Woke this morning at exactly 4:21……these words on my mind.
Love. You. Husband. ❤️
It’s been 9 days since you left me….Surreal it still seems. I’m existing..I’m staying strong…but I’m missing you terribly.
2 a.m-these words came to me……
The Dragonflies were hanging around
With messages for me…
I knew that within those messages
That changes were to be…
I knew down deep, something was happening
Of course I couldn’t foresee…
I assumed you were included
But that wasn’t to be..
I know you are Physically gone
In My heart You remain
As I embark on my new journey
Knowing nothing is the same..
I take strength in knowing
You are now guiding me along….
I’ll see you with our grandparents
In my Dragonflies song.
“Beauty exists not in what is seen and remembered, but in what is felt and never forgotten.” ~Johnathan Jena~
This quote popped up this morning. I felt it an appropriate way to start this blog post..which will be one of the hardest ones I’ve ever had to write…those of you who ‘know’ me, know I was part of a team, Linda & Jim. Jim was my best friend, my partner, my husband, Soul Mate. He was the other half of my whole. The keeper of my heart.
On Friday, I straightened his suspenders, kissed him goodbye and said “I Love You Husband”, not knowing it would be for the very last time. I lost my Jim Friday afternoon,,his huge huge heart, one filled with so much love for me, burst.
I am broken hearted. I now have a huge emptiness inside of me. I am numb. I cry. Yet, I also have moments of peace. I feel him. I know he is with me. He’s already shown me some signs, which make the darkness of each day a little brighter. My inner light has been dulled by his passing, yet I know it still flickers, and it will shine brightly once again. If I didn’t allow that to happen, I would only mar the memory of the amazing beautiful Soul my husband was. I know he would be royally pissed at me if I let the darkness over take me, especially with how far we’ve come and the obstacles we overcame together.
Our beliefs, our Faith and our undying Love for each other will be what helps me get through the days and weeks ahead. As I said, I know he is with me, and I take great comfort in that. I will hold on to his memory tightly and never let go….
My children were with me this weekend. Don’t know what I would have done wihtout them….the kind messages I’ve received over the course of the last few days has been overwhelming. Apparently Jim touched more lives then he ever could have imagined…..he was liked and loved by many….this helps fill my heart.
The outpouring of love and kindness from the community has been incredible. I’ve more food than I know what to do with. Together I’ve shed tears and hugs with many.
On Friday evening, when I got home….I was lost. I wandered the rooms for a bit, eventually curling up with a cup of tea waiting for my children to arrive. I had a wonderful conversation with Lady Calen ( I Love You C). At some point, these words popped into my head, so I jotted them down….
How do I pick up the pieces
How do I go on?
I wasn’t sure if and when I’d be able to get back to them. Well, I woke this morning around 3a.m….looking at the above photo of Jim and I, and as I was talking to him…words came to me….
How do I pick up the pieces?
How do I go on?
In the blink of an eye
My life has changed.
The fact is….
Your gone from this physical world,
But deep inside me you’ll remain.
I feel your are with me,
And that will have to do,
Today I begin a new chapter
For moving slowly forward is what I have to do.
A Friend shared this beautiful song with me……
I love you now…I’ll love you forever.
Heaven gained one helluva Angel…
I feel your wings wrapped around me…
Never let me go ❤️
Interesting going-ons over at the SANDBOX WRITING CHALLENGE……as Pooh says……
Hmmmmm...”Does seeing problems as mysteries change your perspective about life?” Not necessarily…..where I’m at right NOW in my life….regardless of the word I use..be it mystery or problem, I’m still choosing to view life through my Rose-colored glasses…..why do I do this?! Because the alternative, worrying, doesn’t change things…..in my past life, when I viewed life in a very negative way, every Problem was at the forefront of my mind….whether it was mine in the making or someone else’s, I was shouldering it, and in doing so, I was in a very dark place…and the more I worried, the darker it became, and the darker it became, the harder it got to even remotely hope to find a solution or a way back to the light……….I’ll never go back to that place.
(She says while cleaning the lens of her glasses! 🤓😎)
As for “What problems in your life are you ready to give up trying to solve?” I don’t know if I’d say I’m giving up on anything, so much as just accepting that the answer/solution may not be forth coming in as timely a manner as I would like….and I’m ok with that. I’ve come to the realization that just because I want a solution/answer doesn’t mean I’m gonna get it……that the no solution/answer just may Be the solution/answer for now……….
As for the zen parable…..
So, a bit of a precursor to how this little ditty came about….I posted a photo I took of some ‘beach treasures’ I’d found on my Soul Stroll yesterday morning. A friend of mine commented that I Always find the best shells…my response to him was they find me…..I woke at 3 a.m….and words started spinning around in my head….got up and by the light of a night light..this is what I came up with… 😊
Walking along the shoreline
Lost in my thoughts
I cast my eyes downward
Glimpsing the bounty the sea had brought.
Scattered before me
All across the sand
Whole and broken
Littered the grainy land…..
….and just like that
I see one
The one that’s meant for me
Though it seems I was the one looking
When it truth
It found me…..
Widower trying to find life after death of spouse.
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This site is dedicated to my spiritual and physical journey before and after the death of my husband and the father of my son from cancer. It is about grieving, loving, understanding and sharing, and living in the connection while accepting the physical separation that passing on brings. It is also about moving forward in your life from whatever challenges life hands you and living the life that is wanted for you from above.
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