“Beauty exists not in what is seen and remembered, but in what is felt and never forgotten.” ~Johnathan Jena~
This quote popped up this morning. I felt it an appropriate way to start this blog post..which will be one of the hardest ones I’ve ever had to write…those of you who ‘know’ me, know I was part of a team, Linda & Jim. Jim was my best friend, my partner, my husband, Soul Mate. He was the other half of my whole. The keeper of my heart.
On Friday, I straightened his suspenders, kissed him goodbye and said “I Love You Husband”, not knowing it would be for the very last time. I lost my Jim Friday afternoon,,his huge huge heart, one filled with so much love for me, burst.
I am broken hearted. I now have a huge emptiness inside of me. I am numb. I cry. Yet, I also have moments of peace. I feel him. I know he is with me. He’s already shown me some signs, which make the darkness of each day a little brighter. My inner light has been dulled by his passing, yet I know it still flickers, and it will shine brightly once again. If I didn’t allow that to happen, I would only mar the memory of the amazing beautiful Soul my husband was. I know he would be royally pissed at me if I let the darkness over take me, especially with how far we’ve come and the obstacles we overcame together.
Our beliefs, our Faith and our undying Love for each other will be what helps me get through the days and weeks ahead. As I said, I know he is with me, and I take great comfort in that. I will hold on to his memory tightly and never let go….
My children were with me this weekend. Don’t know what I would have done wihtout them….the kind messages I’ve received over the course of the last few days has been overwhelming. Apparently Jim touched more lives then he ever could have imagined…..he was liked and loved by many….this helps fill my heart.
The outpouring of love and kindness from the community has been incredible. I’ve more food than I know what to do with. Together I’ve shed tears and hugs with many.
On Friday evening, when I got home….I was lost. I wandered the rooms for a bit, eventually curling up with a cup of tea waiting for my children to arrive. I had a wonderful conversation with Lady Calen ( I Love You C). At some point, these words popped into my head, so I jotted them down….
How do I pick up the pieces
How do I go on?
I wasn’t sure if and when I’d be able to get back to them. Well, I woke this morning around 3a.m….looking at the above photo of Jim and I, and as I was talking to him…words came to me….
How do I pick up the pieces?
How do I go on?
In the blink of an eye
My life has changed.
The fact is….
Your gone from this physical world,
But deep inside me you’ll remain.
I feel your are with me,
And that will have to do,
Today I begin a new chapter
For moving slowly forward is what I have to do.
A Friend shared this beautiful song with me……
I love you now…I’ll love you forever.
Heaven gained one helluva Angel…
I feel your wings wrapped around me…
Never let me go ❤️