Grief

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I’ve been traveling this road of grief now for 236 days…it’s seems insane to me that that much time has gone by so quickly. I’m not using the word quickly lightly here…..time did not stand still for me…yes, in those first weeks I felt like I was living outside of my body, watching someone else doing all that needed to be done, like I was in an altered state..I call it my surreal reality………..but the days, weeks and months rolled by and are rolling by in a blink…….
In the meantime, my grief has really taken hold. Maybe because I’m finally ‘home’ and the newness of all this, my new reality, is hitting me. Jim is not coming back. Yes, I carry him in my heart, and yes I feel him and know he’s guiding me……..but when I sit outside, by myself, the enormity of it all does crash down on me……..
I came across this piece yesterday. This poem, written by Jodi Wium, nailed Grief……..
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Loss hits different people differently. In my family, we have lost several people in unexpected and tragic ways. This poem though is about loss and the soul.

What happens in our soul when we experience loss is significant, and our society may not respond how we wish, how we need. This poem is for those of us who have been there. Who have no words to talk about their loss, just a feeling. We eventually become friends with grief. It becomes a companion. A known quality to our life.
This poem is also meant to inspire. We breathe through our tears. It’s not one day at a time, sometimes it is one breath at a time. If you are suffering the darkness of loss, know that there is light too, and that you will love again.

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When you are friends with grief
You sit still when someone suffers a loss

The memory of your own loss washes over you, and you relive its tidal wave

When you are friends with grief

People who know you remember who you are

They see you, but you are not present

They talk through you, over you, but not to you

But to be friends with grief

Is also very good
You know how dark darkness really is

You know that the light does return

You know that you can cry and scream

And that is your truth

When you are friends with grief

You can ask it questions

How long will I suffer? What is this about? Will I love again? Will I heal?
Grief answers

Like an echo from the mountain top

First though it takes you to the bottom

of the raging river

Without a lifeboat

Where it’s only you and the rushing water

You see light, but you are not sure

If you are going to make it or fall further down the rocky canyon

Yet you feel it’s okay, you are willing to die too

But first you just want an answer
Grief answers

And says, You have made it this far

One more minute —

That’s all you need

One more minute

If you can make it through

You breathe through your tears

Your sadness stabs you and

You stab it back
You decide to fight

You will accept the loss

But you also accept the challenge

You sit down with grief

You explain you need to understand

You want to be friends
Grief accepts

It explains,

You never will be the same

You will be with others

But it will never be the same

You will love

Yet it will never be the same

But you will feel light

And it will warm you

And the You you know

Will also have died

But you will still live
Grief will sit with you

Whether you need its company or not

You are never alone

Because you have known grief

And it has known you.

GRIEF: By Jodi Wium