Timing is everything, this came at just the right time.
Well folks, after 307 days, I’m emerging from my Fog. It took some time, but I’m beginning to see things through different, clearer eyes. A few ah-ha moments, a whole lotta tears have helped me break-through some of my self-imposed barriers that I didn’t even really know were there……….this song popped up this morning and then these words just spilled out….
He called me out on it…
He helped me to see.
Though I wasn’t living in the past
The present was lost to me….
I was holding on to ‘our’ dreams
Afraid to let go
Afraid if I did that
I’d have no where to go….
But that wasn’t the truth
Cause by letting go
I was giving myself permission
To move forward on my own…
My happiness I was attaching
To his memory
Unfair on all accounts
But mostly unfair to me..
I am responsible for my happiness
I am responsible for my life..
Letting go and moving on
Is also my right…
Doesn’t mean our love is gone
Not a chance in hell of that
But he is there and I am here
And that is just a fact….
I’m coming out of the Fog
Seeing a new path..
Many forks and detours
But Im drawing up my map…
Clarity is an amazing thing
With open eyes and heart
My Spirit is Awakening
I’m ready to start……
I’M READY TO FLY
Jim will always be with me…his guidance I’ll always look for. But, I am wholly responsible for my happiness. I’ve been telling myself that happiness is unattainable to me, that I may never be happy again…how unfair that is to myself….how unfair to Jims memory. As I move forward, living my now according to Linda and not Linda & Jim, I will look within, I will make peace and I will live.
Special thanks to Lady Calen for Always being there since this journey started, hell before it started…you’ve held my hand so to speak…you listened and still you don’t think I’m crazy!!! 😄
T….you’ve known me a long time. Thank you for not treating me with kid gloves…and for that bit of tough love. I know you loved making me speechless!! 😄
I’ve never been a huge reader of poetry, or writer of poetry until I became a member of the WP community. As my time here as moved forward, my horizons have been broadened. I’ve come to appreciate the written word so much more then in my youth. The fact that I discovered and unearthed a want and need to write, well lets just say it was a very cool find.
I came across the Poet David Whyte, in my email inbox of all places, as an Amazon recommendation. While sipping my coffee yesterday, I decided to check David out. I listened to him reading and sharing some of his poetry on YOUTUBE. Well…looks as though there are some more books to be bought in my future.
THE JOURNEY struck a cord with me. I’ve ‘sticky-noted’ it to my pc (Thnx C for turning me on to the sticky note thingy on this laptop!!) Anyway, I felt the need to share..both in written form and in David’s voice.
Above the mountains
the geese turn into
the light again
on an open sky.
has to be
so you can find
the one line
Sometimes it takes
a great sky
to find that
wedge of freedom
in your own heart.
the bones of the black
sticks left when the fire
has gone out
someone has written
in the ashes of your life.
You are not leaving.
Even as the light fades quickly now,
you are arriving.
by David Whyte.
Wandering the perimeter of my property…
Slowly, one foot in front of the other…
Looking up at the trees.
The sky, growing lighter with each passing second.
My mind is wandering also. Not in-sync with my footsteps
It’s wandering a path of its own…
Why am I here?
What is my purpose?
How the hell am I suppose to move on?
I got to thinking about a favorite quote of mine…
“I WANT OUT OF LABELS. I DONT WANT MY LIFE CRAMMED INTO A SINGLE WORD OR STORY. I WANT TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE, UNKNOWABLE. SOME PLACE TO BE THATS NOT ON THE MAP. A REAL ADVENTURE. A MYSTERY. A. BLANK. UNKNOWN. UNDEFINED. ~chuck palahniuk~
I never really asked myself why I felt pulled to this quote except I knew it fit with my perception of the wandering gypsy I often daydreamed myself to be/wanted to be someday. It was easy to sit and Pinterest and journal my daydreams of travel and solitude knowing I was ‘HOME’ safely with Jim. … and he was always in the periphery of my daydreams. He was Always there….
So, Again, the questions.
Who Am I?
What do I do with myself now?
Where do I go, or better yet, where do I Want to go?
When? Today, tomorrow, next week? If I know one thing, it’s that life doesn’t wait or stop…
It just keeps on moving and passing by.
How? Admittedly, I’m scared. I’m scared of this new life. I’m finding I’m becoming what I didn’t want to become..a prisoner of myself, of my fears.
Why? Why? Why?
I know. I know. In some ways, some would think, ‘way to be you’. It’s nice to have those problems?!? For the first time, in my life, I’ve no one to ‘think about’ but myself. I don’t need anyone’s opinion or permission……….yet, here I sit. In some ways, immobilized by my fear……that same UNKNOWNABLE…MYSTERY…ADVENTURE that I’ve always craved, and in some ways is within hands reach now, scares the bejesus out of me…………
Today, I ponder. Today, I’ll paint……….and today I’ll keep dreaming that dream of wanderlust, in hopes that I’ll one day overcome my fear and step off my self-imposed cliff and try out these wings of mine.
Just had to share 💚🌳
This short-sighted destruction of the world’s great jungles is the most wicked vandalism of all. To sell the future for a handful of gold is plain stupid.
Trees are our oldest living organisms. Some are three thousand, five hundred years old. There is no respect. Thousand year old trees are senselessly chopped for profit.
Pristine rain-forest, teeming with life, is being cleared to provide food, cosmetics and beverages for a burgeoning human population. Our numbers are destroying the world. Coffee, palm-oil and short-term slash and burn farming are destroying the world.
The trees provide fruit, habitats for most of our planet’s land-based life, soil consolidation, carbon recycling, oxygen production, medicines, shade and water recycling.
Without the trees the soil is rapidly eroded, fertility declines, the wild-life dies, the oxygen is not released, the carbon is not absorbed and all life is the less.
The short-term gain is soon spent. The…
View original post 130 more words