It’s been 11 months since this journey into widowhood began for me……how is that even possible?!?!? 48 weeks without My Jim’s physical presence. I miss him. My journey has seen me living through 3 states, buying a home and struggling emotionally to figure this new life of mine out. I’m no closer to figuring it out then I was in the beginning…yet, somehow, I find myself here…..and this new person death has/is creating is still lost and trying to find her way. But, She/I is determined…….
I awoke before the sun, and decided to take my coffee and watch the sunrise….something I haven’t been doing much of lately. I’ve begun to ask myself if it’s a form of self sabotage, not allowing myself to enjoy those things Jim and I loved as a couple?!?! If that’s what I’m subconsciously doing, I need to put a stop to it, and hopefully by admitting it to myself maybe I’ve begun to do that?!?!?
The sunrise inspires…..I found some comfort and peace this morning, and I wrote.
Slowly, oh so very slowly, my voice is returning……
Even at my lowest
The darkness cannot
I am a source of light
my inner spark
Like the rising sun…