You’re so strong…if I had a dollar for every time that word was used to describe me over the last 341 days, I’d be rollin in some dough. There are many meanings to the word…but I chose #10 to share as I feel it probably comes closest to what people probably mean when they say it…..
{#10’s definition: solid or stable; healthy; thriving:}
Being strong wasn’t and still isn’t exactly what I’m striving for. Surviving one day at a time as best as I can was and still is my goal. It is a choice I’ve made every morning since Jim died. Does that make me strong? Stable? Healthy? Or Thriving? I don’t feel any of those things…..but, I don’t consider myself weak in any way…….
with that said……..
I do know, for me, it’s my Faith, my Beliefs, my Hope, that get me out of bed in the morning……….that and the knowing, in my heart, that Jim was the one who died, not me.. He took a part of me with him, but I know he’d want me to live. Not just exist, but to live. I’m trying to do my best with each 24 hours I’m given. I strive to be a good, kind person. I’m striving to somehow, make even the smallest of difference in others lives.
At the end of the day, before turning in with my companion Loneliness, I don’t think to myself, Linda you were so strong today, I’m thinking, I Love and Miss my husband. I’m thinking, Linda, you made it through another day. I’m thinking regardless of the grief and pain, I’m incredibly Blessed in so many ways. I’m thinking, see you in my dreams babe ❤
Does any of that constitute being strong? I dont know…I guess it comes down to not feeling comfortable with that adjective.
Spiritual Dragonfly 
I define strong as being resilient, and dealing with travails in the best way one can, with the wherewithal to survive and advance. You may not feel like you’re doing that but, you’ve suffered an unimaginable loss yet you’ve had the balls to pick up, move, twice, buy a car, buy a home, and begin this next chapter of your story. All in spite of the suffering you’re enduring, and on your own I might add. Strong? In my book, you bet your ass you are. But you’re still allowed to feel what you’re feeling. Grief doesn’t discriminate, strong or not. Keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll always feel the loss and miss Jim, obviously. But eventually, a sense of life and living will return to you. Because you’re strong. 😊
Thank you my friend. I’ve no doubt Jim is shaking his head in agreement with you. He was always reminding me of my strength yet I always had/have a hard time seeing myself through another’s eyes………..guess I need to stop that sh*t out and open my own eyes a bit!! 😳
We all have doubt, especially during or after something as devastating as a loss. But don’t sell yourself short. You are facing this head on and on your own. Strong, indeed. Keep your head up, and keep plugging away, even when you don’t feel you’re capable. Because you are. 😊
That takes strength Linda. I feel for you.
I’m starting to see and realize that Opher 😊
And you are learning and growing so much!
Ya know C, with what my dear friend SOB wrote and said, I realized I’ve never been able to accept and see myself the way others do…Jim was always telling me he was proud of how strong I was to have accepted my past and how much I’d grown the last few years, I didn’t get that or see it…maybe it’s time I open my own eyes?!?! 👀
I really agree with Raili’s comment!
The very fact you don’t like that word, strong, is telling you something! Taste it, own it, acknowledge it – then find a word that sits with you better and absorbs the strength within it 🙂 For you ARE strong!