Have A Little Faith 🙏

Prayer vs. Coincidence

Prayer:

noun

1. a devout petition to God or an object ofworship.

2. a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving,adoration, or confession.

Coincidence:

noun

1. a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance:

Since Jim died, I’ve drawn strength and comfort from our beliefs and my faith, and I believe, because of both, I’ve been able to navigate this journey of widowhood I’ve found myself on, but, I’ve found myself having a hard time praying. I didn’t know how to pray…..I mean, I talk to Jim and my grandfather all the time…..but I hadn’t talked to God, really talked to him in a long long time, so when it came to praying, I didn’t really know how. Was there a right or wrong way to pray?!? I wasn’t sure. I felt awkward with myself and even with my verbiage, or lack there of. I had this ‘vision’ that I was getting it all wrong. So, I bought a book .. a Celtic prayer book…a weeks worth of morning and evening prayers. I started reading from it daily, and still do. It’s helped..it gave me the jumpstart I needed. As time has gone on, I’ve realized there isn’t any real right or wrong way to pray, and I’m finally overcoming my uncomfortable awkwardness with myself…..and have found my own way to pray. Part of that awkwardness comes from my having no real religion in my life for a long time. I was born into a catholic family but never warmed to it…So I came to consider myself a spiritual person. Honestly I find I’m drawn to different aspects of different religions…so I follow what appeals to me, not attaching myself to any one faith. Bottom line. I believe in my Creator..and I strive to be a good person, a kind and caring person…preferring to leave the bs and the idea of organized religion behind (this is my personal opinion)

I know your wondering where I’m going with this…….This last week my emotions have been all over the place. Jims been gone 14 months already, which BTW, friggin’ blows my mind. I cried. A lot. Many tears were spilt this week. So, while in the midst of my emotional meltdown, I prayed, my way. To my Creator. I questioned my purpose here…I shared how I felt disconnected with life, and questioned where I belong….I asked to die…I guess you can say I was having my own personal pity party and decided I needed to invite Him to the party and share how I was feeling……tears in of themselves have a way of lightening the load of grief I carry, but there is something to be said with talking/praying and putting it out there for ‘them’ to hear.

I eventually pulled on my big girl panties and went to Walmart on Thursday,,cause that’s what one does, or at least I do when I’m having a pity party for myself…I go shopping. I saw register 11 was opened (I’m a numbers gal 11:11), and I got in line. The lady in front of me had a skateboard in her cart, which had no price, no UPC code,,,nothing. So y’all know the drill. The cashier called for help..someone came to take the skateboard and find a price. The lady turned to me to apologize. I smiled and said no problem, stuff happens and I’m not in any rush. She turned away, and then turned back to me and said ” Im sorry to stare, but I’m being pulled to you, to tell you he’s with you, and that you have more work to do here. You belong here, right now. It’s not time for you to leave, not yet.” I stood there, I’m sure a sight, with my mouth wide open and my eyes filling with tears, shaking my head. I walked around my cart and she hugged me. She then held both my hands, squeezed then and said again “you belong here…and they are around you. They all hear you and your not alone.” She then opened her eyes, shyly smiled at me and said again, “I could see ‘it’ all around you and needed to share that with you, I hope you don’t think I’m crazy.” Crazy? Nah, not crazy, not crazy at all…..

I don’t believe in coincidences …instead I chose to believe some things just can’t be explained and quite honestly, I prefer the ‘there’s no explanation’ explanation. Pretty cool stuff….

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Open Heart…Open Eyes

One needs to open up not

Just their eyes.

But also their hearts to ‘see’..

The signs that are all around us

And the comfort they can bring……

I see with my eyes

A leaf, folded over,

encased in early frost.

My heart ‘sees’ an Angel Wing,

Reminding me your not lost….

My eyes see autumn colored branches

reaching for the morning sunlight,

drying from yesterday’s snow.

My heart ‘sees’ a frosty heart

Amidst the ‘mourning’ glow.

©lindafedroff_december10,2017

Cardinal Meme

Life’s weather

This spoke to me and just had to share!!!

Mindfulbalance

Another storm passing over parts of Ireland today: high winds, then cold and snow. A good metaphor for our life.  Sometimes  we are subject to cold winds from an unexpected direction:

Being tossed and turned by circumstances is part of life’s weather. You may trip on obstacles, hurting someone you love. You may find yourself alone, without the person with whom you thought you’d spend the rest of your life. 

How do we meet these challenges?

For me, I try to remember, when breaking, that every crack is an opening. No matter how harsh the experience, something is always opened within us; and what is opened is always more important than what breaks us. We might experience cruelty or unfairness or indifference or the brutality of chance — all of which are difficult and life-changing. And while cruelty and injustice are never excusable and need to be rectified, we…

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I’m An Overcomer!!

Yesssssssss…I Am!

You ever come across a song that just resonates with you?!?! Well that happened a few days ago. I was playing around with the search button trying to find a radio station to listen to. It stopped, and this song came on…OVERCOMER. Turns out the radio station was KLOVE and the singer was MANDISA (of American Idol fame). She actually was a fav of mine back then. Not a listener of gospel music per se, I hadn’t heard much of her over the years……..ANYWAY, This song! It’s in my head….got home and YOUTUBE it! Holy Moly!

Downloaded it to my ITunes….it’s put a skip to my step…literally. Got some looks while dance/walking yesterday from my neighbors..lol

It also got me thinking…a lot. We’re all dealing with ‘stuff’. When I’m in the midst of my pain and darkness, it’s easy to forget that there are others out there struggling right along with me, through their own grief and pain. Whether it’s loss, addiction, sickness….we all have our crosses to bear, our walks to walk, our ‘stuff’ to OVERCOME. I’m not making light of my journey or anyone else’s. More to the point, I’m humbled and inspired by the strength of others who overcame their own obstacles and journeys. (That would be YOU).

Today is day 418 since my life changed and a new journey was laid out before me. In that time, though I’ve privately bottomed out with my grief, I’ve also kept going. And I will continue to do so. And when I hit a snag, I’ll work my way through it, cause I know I’m not alone.

Yes…my life has changed. I see things through a widow’s eyes. I feel things with a widow’s heart. But I was and still am loved. And I have a whole lotta living to do!!

Misty Morning

It’s been a while since I’ve sat my rear-end down to even attempt to write. I took a walk with a new friend yesterday. We walked, talked and got to know each other a bit better. I shared some of my story and background with her, including my blog and the finding of my voice, and the loss of it again. Cause that’s what I feel like..I’ve lost it and it’s time to find it again.

I hope our talk helped her as much as it did me. I went to sleep last night, setting the intention in my head to schedule time to ‘write’ or at least think about writing…………I’m ready to jump back in.

So this morning, I awoke, looked outside and was greeted with this….

Mother Nature inspired and provided…..

Morning arrives,

riding in on the wake

of the cold

of the previous evening.

Sunlight is shrouded.

We are blanketed beneath

and all around,

by the veil of chill and fog.

Oak tree standing tall.

A sentinel keeping watch.

Silhouetted

against the misty background.

There is an air of mystery all around.

A stillness,

that is broken only by an unseen scampering

across fallen dead leaves

And

The occasional caw of a blackbird,

hidden in the mist.

©lindafedroff_december4,2017