Finding Balance In My Widow’s World

Okay….second go round for exercise 2 of the Sandbox Writing Challenge

It’s all about Balance. Do you consider yourself a balanced person? What are some of the things you do on a daily, weekly, etc. basis to keep yourself balanced? If you don’t feel you are, what can you do to help you find some of that needed balance?

Am I balanced? Good Question…my answer, an emphatic NOT EXACTLY! 😳

The death of a loved one always rocks our world…..the death of a spouse, well, in my personal case, it knocked mine off its axis.

With Jims death, I became half of our whole. That in of itself has had me totally off balance, in a very physical, emotional and mental way. In the beginning, I felt as though I was walking on a very thin tightrope, a tightrope of emotions. In the beginning, there was no real balance to speak of. That tightrope was more of a teeny thread, just enough for me to hang on to. But hang on I did, and still do.

My tightrope is an arduous one. I teeter. I slip. Some days all I can do is straddle that rope. But I still hold on. Some days I actually keep my footing, I call them my ‘OKAY’ days. I like my ‘OKAY’ days. I feel almost ‘normal’, and at this juncture of my journey, I’ll take that! The fact that they are happening more and more often as my journey continues to move forward leads me to believe I’m finding some semblance of balance once again.

While walking this tightrope, I’m acclimating and accepting that while we will always be us in my heart, I am now learning to compensate Jims absence in my life. I’m discovering the role I now play in my life. I’m compensating Jims absence, not with another, but with me, myself and I.

And while I was uncomfortable with this new role that was forced upon me, I’m now settling in. Each passing day, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, I’m able to hold on. I have learned I have to take the good with the bad. Im learning to counter-balance and find a ‘happy’ medium in order to keep my footing and keep living. Is it always easy, not by a long shot. But, I know in my heart what Jim would want for me, and that is to find a way to live, without him, till we can be together again……..so I turn to Nature, I meditate. I say No. I no longer feel I need to explain myself. I’m putting the wine away. It’s time for me to take care of Linda.

Will I ever find complete balance, I don’t believe so. I think, being kept slightly askew keeps me from becoming to complacent. Life has a way of keeping us on our toes.

15 thoughts on “Finding Balance In My Widow’s World

  1. I am sorry for your loss. I find that nature can always bring balance to those who seek. Some days we rock and some days we roll. Some days we can bring it together to rock and roll. Keep seeking. I am loving your writings. Blessings to you.

  2. Terrific post! So honest and thoughtful. And I don’t think ANY of us will ever live a balanced life. We wouldn’t be balancing then, we’d be standing still. There’s no growth in that. Balance is something we continually seek. At least imho.

  3. Pingback: Sandbox Writing Challenge 2018 — Exercise 2 | Impromptu Promptlings

  4. To be perfectly balanced is to be still. Movement is a state of falling. It is good to move and still keep your feet. I reckon you’re doing that Linda.

    • I’m doing as best as I can…the way you described it above Opher, I visualize myself a tree swaying in the breeze at times and other times being whipped back and forth by gale force winds, yet holding my ground!! 🙂

  5. This is such a heart-felt post, Linda. I remember exactly where I was when I read about Jim’s death. I was on Lake Michigan on vacation. I cried. I think you have done such a wonderful job with this difficult transition. You have expressed yourself so well through your writing and photography. I was so impressed with your strength to move. You are quite inspirational and I am so glad to be your (virtual) friend.

    • LuAnne….I can’t even begin to tell you how your words touch me on so many levels. It just proves how we can connect with one another (virtually) and truly feel each others joys and pains. Thank you for sharing in my journey.

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