Okay….second go round for exercise 2 of the Sandbox Writing Challenge
It’s all about Balance. Do you consider yourself a balanced person? What are some of the things you do on a daily, weekly, etc. basis to keep yourself balanced? If you don’t feel you are, what can you do to help you find some of that needed balance?
Am I balanced? Good Question…my answer, an emphatic NOT EXACTLY! 😳
The death of a loved one always rocks our world…..the death of a spouse, well, in my personal case, it knocked mine off its axis.
With Jims death, I became half of our whole. That in of itself has had me totally off balance, in a very physical, emotional and mental way. In the beginning, I felt as though I was walking on a very thin tightrope, a tightrope of emotions. In the beginning, there was no real balance to speak of. That tightrope was more of a teeny thread, just enough for me to hang on to. But hang on I did, and still do.
My tightrope is an arduous one. I teeter. I slip. Some days all I can do is straddle that rope. But I still hold on. Some days I actually keep my footing, I call them my ‘OKAY’ days. I like my ‘OKAY’ days. I feel almost ‘normal’, and at this juncture of my journey, I’ll take that! The fact that they are happening more and more often as my journey continues to move forward leads me to believe I’m finding some semblance of balance once again.
While walking this tightrope, I’m acclimating and accepting that while we will always be us in my heart, I am now learning to compensate Jims absence in my life. I’m discovering the role I now play in my life. I’m compensating Jims absence, not with another, but with me, myself and I.
And while I was uncomfortable with this new role that was forced upon me, I’m now settling in. Each passing day, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, I’m able to hold on. I have learned I have to take the good with the bad. Im learning to counter-balance and find a ‘happy’ medium in order to keep my footing and keep living. Is it always easy, not by a long shot. But, I know in my heart what Jim would want for me, and that is to find a way to live, without him, till we can be together again……..so I turn to Nature, I meditate. I say No. I no longer feel I need to explain myself. I’m putting the wine away. It’s time for me to take care of Linda.
Will I ever find complete balance, I don’t believe so. I think, being kept slightly askew keeps me from becoming to complacent. Life has a way of keeping us on our toes.