A Widow’s Birthday

Today is my 55th Birthday. My second without Jim. I’ll be spending part of my day with my daughter and her family. Tonight, I’ll celebrate my own way. A widow’s way. I’ll read over the Happy Birthday Notes Jim left me over the years…seeing his handwriting and reading his words, I can still feel his unending love.

There will be no more letters, no more notes

written by his hand.

No more love letters or drawn hearts

being left for me by my man.

Instead, I ceremoniously

reread his every word.

Crying my tears

While my memory serves….

…it serves as a reminder

of the love we share.

It’s not death do us part

’cause I still feel him near.

For now it’s in dreams

and the signs that he leaves me

In my memories and my heart

Our love will sustain me.

©lindafedroff_february27,2018

My Memories Became Dreams…My Dreams Became Memories…..He Misses Me….

As a widow, holding on to my memories is paramount to my healing…helping to make this journey as positive one as I can muster under the circumstances.

Jims visits in my dreams don’t come often, so when he he does decide to make an appearance I feel incredibly Blessed. He paid me a visit last night……

My Memories Became Dreams..My Dreams Became Memories…

You came to me in

a dream last night…

It’s been a while

since I saw there….

You were sitting at the table

Real as could be….

Smiling,

it all became clear.

No words were spoken.

They weren’t needed,

for I could ‘read’ it all in your eyes.

They ‘said’,

“I AM Always With You,

I WILL Always Love You,

and I know you’re not surprised….”

Upon my lips,

You placed a gentle lingering kiss…

Leading me to KNOW

THAT I TOO, AM MISSED.

©lindafedroff_february26,2018

Fanning My Widow’s Inner Flame 🔥

Welcome back to The Sandbox Writing Challenge-Exercise 7! This week’s challenge MAY be an easy one for you, but maybe NOT! We’ve already touched on what makes us unique, but now we’d like to know what it is about you or that you do that makes you stand out from those around you? It’s hard for some of us to give ourselves the kudos we truly deserve, so here’s your chance to do just that. (And we all LOVE you, so go for it with gusto!) Don’t hold back now!

`

Now tell us, please, what makes you…

SHINE

 

 

 

Without looking back at my first go round with the SBWC..I believe it’s a pretty safe bet that part of my answer to this prompt was my bubbly personality and positive outlook on life were what made me shine..right down to the rose-colored glasses….

 

That was then….This is now.

 

This time things are different. I’m different. My rose-colored glasses aren’t as rosy as they used to be, and though I still wear them, his death definitely has blurred how I look through those glasses now.

 

One of the reasons I feel I shone so brightly was Jim and the life we shared together. When he died, part of my spark, my inner light went Poof… and died with him. But, even when a fire is extinguished, some embers still remain. With the whisper of a breathe, a new spark can be ignited….that whisper is our continued Love, a Love that continues to live and burn in my heart.

 

As a Phoenix will arise from the ashes, Our Love and Hope is what pours forth from within me…..I feel the need, strongly, to fan that flame and keep the fire burning……..I feel deep within that this is part of my calling. I have this burning desire to help others find some hope while struggling to find their own foothold on this journey of loss we’re on…..from the ashes of pain, hope glows like embers and reignites my Spirit so I Can continue to SHINE….

 

So, while I will wear those rose colored glasses, I’ve given myself permission to harden’ just a bit…..while I accept this journey of mine, the passivity I’ve chosen to treat Jims death with needed to be addressed…. sooooooo this is me giving the finger to death and sporting my BadAss Widow Shirt….when I decide to Shine, I SHINE!!!

 

 

 

Celebrating Him ..Happy Birthday in Heaven Babe ❤

Today would have been my Jims 67th Birthday. Today also marks 495 days since he gained his wings…..I’m choosing to celebrate my man ❤🥂

Happy Birthday in Heaven….

I Miss you Husband

My Beloved Best Friend..

Your smile, your laugh

Your love that transcends…

Today is your birthday

And we are apart..

I draw strength from our love though

And when the tears start…..

I’ll cry my river..

While deep within my soul..

I feel you with me

And for a little while,

I’ll pretend, I am whole.

©lindafedroff_february21

Our life together

Has been made up of moments.

In those early moments

I, You, Me

Quickly turned into an Us.

We Are One.

Together, we have built

A foundation of Love.

A Love strong enough

To hold us together

Through Eternity.

You are my Sanctuary.

My Foundation.

My Support.

My Soul. ❤

You Are the Peanut Butter

To My Jelly………..on Squishy Wonder Bread ❤

©Linda Fedroff

I. Miss. You. Husband.

I Choose to Celebrate You instead of Grieve.

I Feel You With Me….ALWAYS ❤

#awidowslife

this just spoke to me…which means it needs to be shared :)))

Morning I caught it once, that small, delicate pause: a hummingbird moth kissing a white flower just as the last stars were fading and the soft exhalation of the day tumbled forth. There was no fanfare, no glorious sunrise – just a quiet voice which whispered: Listen; the earth dreams through you.

via Morning: a poem — Tales From the Seed