Take A Seat..Sit Back..And Listen…I’ve Got Something To Say…

Welcome back to The Sandbox Writing Challenge-Exercise 16. Now that we’ve gotten our warm-up exercises out of the way, it’s time to “dig in” a little deeper and see what we can “unearth” in Part 2.

I am deliberately leaving out the other reviews and warming up exercises as I don’t feel they were of much help when we did them before. But I am going to add a little something in. Fimnora has suggested that anyone who would like could “donate” a prompt of their own for the rest of us to answer. I think that’s a very INTERESTING idea. So if ANY OF YOU have a prompt you’d like to see us work with, please drop me a note and we’ll work them in!

In the meantime, I’ve seen this exercise used before in grief therapy. His nibs used it when he was in counseling after the death of my parents. It usually involves a person who has passed on. Interestingly, Roberta Allen doesn’t put any qualifiers on who this person should be — gone or here. Must admit I’m puzzled. Fimnora swore I would know who to write about when I sat down to do it last time!!! I don’t remember who iit was! So here we go…

I actually do remember who I wrote about my first go round in the Sandbox, my Aunt Barbara. Obviously, this go round, it will be My Jim sitting in the chair…all comfy, puffing away on his pipe, giving me his full attention………thankfully, we communicated and shared our feelings, so we both knew we were loved and adored by each other. So what is it I would say to him, that I NEVER SAID before……………

 

 

Well Babe, here’s the deal…..Life Without You Sucks. Period.

 We spoke of our mortality/immortality often..believing we would have more time…but the reality is, if you are a part of a couple, one of you is going to die first, and though I/we always knew that, your sudden departure knocked my world off its axis.

I NEVER would have believed That as of today, I have survived 80 weeks without you…that’s 560 days Jim!!! I always said I wanted to go first, that the thought of living without you was something I couldn’t do……Yet, from the moment I heard you were gone, (which by the way I already knew), those thoughts of mixing a cocktail and doing myself in never entered my mind, not at first. Yes, I did eventually think about it, fleeting as they were. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I Ever did that and succeeded, instead of greeting me happily, you’d kicked my ass from one end of the galaxy to the other…..that is not the way I want our reunion to be.

 

So, here I am, 80 weeks into this journey Babe. I’ve been on my own emotional rollercoaster, and you know how much I dislike that ride….but not only have I held on, I’ve conquered that sucker! I have no idea where this journey is going to take me, but because of you, your love and your constant encouragement and belief in me, I’m gonna make it. I know you’re proud of me. I also know you may not recognize this Linda I’m becoming, but I know you approve.

 

So….while life here still sucks without you…I’m going to continue to live this life you’ve gifted me with and Live It Out Freakin’ Loud!!!!!

 

Now, I’d like to read aloud, something I wrote for you……

 

I MISS…

YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART

I MISS…

YOUR SMILE

I MISS…

YOUR DEEP FROM THE BELLY LAUGH

I MISS…

YOU HUSBAND…..

 

ALL THE WHILE….

 

I TRY TO MOVE FORWARD

AND LIVE EVERYDAY

IN A WAY THAT MAKES YOU PROUD

I CAN ALMOST HEAR YOU SAY…

 

“YOU’VE GOT THIS LINDA BABE

I BELIEVE IN YOU

GET YOUR ASS OUT THERE

THERE ARE THINGS FOR YOU TO DO

©lindafedroff_april2018

 

So Husband, what do you think of that???

 

I. LOVE. YOU.

ALWAYS AND FOREVER

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Destination Unknown…..

OK…..another week of digging over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge. We’re asked the following: If you could foresee one accomplishment in your future, what would you like it to be?

My first reaction and answer has to be, my children are my greatest accomplishment..being Blessed with the gift of being their mother is by far the most fulfilling part of my life……and how exciting it is to sit on the sidelines and watch as their lives and the lives of their families grow.

NOW onwards:

If this question was posed to me a week and a half ago, my answer would have been completely different then it is today. For today, if I was gazing into a crystal ball of my making, I’d see myself happily driving my Subaru, not north to the Eastern Shore of my past, but West to visit the Redwood National State Forest…..and visiting as many of the State Parks as I can along the way……….my gypsy soul is Awakening. It has been for some time, though with Jims death it became silent. I am finding as I continue on this journey of mine, as I continue to grow, my gypsy soul is finding its voice once again. It’s not loud. Right now it’s more like a soft, soothing melody, but I’m ready to start singing along.

Another accomplishment is the continued healing that’s occurring between my sister and I. As we continue our reunion it’s with the hopes that our other sister will find her way to open herself up and join us……….this reunion and healing that’s taking place is beyond anything I thought could happen and is so very cool 😎

New Discoveries…New Truth

I’m a week into my visit here on Chincoteague. This visit is proving to be more then I thought, in ways I’d never imagined. I came here anticipating a homecoming of sorts……what I’m finding is, those words ‘you can’t go home again’, to be #mytruth.

I’m Living my life and seeing this place through just Linda’s eyes now…….and a whole new picture is being painted. Amazingly though, this doesn’t make me sad. I feel as though a hidden veil has been lifted and I’m seeing with more clarity then I have since Jim died. I’m seeing that I have a whole new life ahead of me…and that there is so much more to discover and learn about myself…..that at this time of transition, I Am Growing.

I’ve returned again

To this place we called home.

So many changes.

Unrecognizable.

And the realization, once again

That change is inevitable.

AND

With that realization

A new truth.

My truth.

Is revealed.

I CANNOT GO BACK.

WHAT ENDED HAS ACTUALLY

BECOME A (MY) NEW BEGINNING

A (MY) HOPEFUL NEW NOW……

©lindafedroff_april16,2018

Taking Risks

 

We are now on to exercise 14 of The Sandbox Writing Challenge….this weeks prompt is…….

 

What risks have you taken in your life?

As always, remember to include a link to this post on YOUR blog post. Or if your response isn’t overly long, feel free to leave it in the comment section below. If you would like to play with us and see the previous prompts, they’re listed in the menu at the top of the blog in The Sandbox Writing ChallengeBut please feel free to just jump in wherever we are at the moment! After all the prompts are really for YOU to get to know YOURSELF.

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Jim was the risk taker. He always was. He was never afraid of failure, feeling the failure was in the lack of trying………he taught me well.

From the moment I found out He was gone, I feel as though EVERYTHING I did, every choice I made was a risk. The choices I made never felt wrong, quite the opposite, my gut/intuition had me feeling that I was being led in the right direction……..yet I still felt as though each time I made a decision, big or small, I was jumping off the proverbial cliff and counting on my wings to carry me and not let me hit the ground hard.

From ‘fleeing’ the island 3 weeks after he died to live with my son back in PA, where I NEVER expected to ‘live’ again. To buying my very first car on my own. To moving from PA to NC, and buying a house 2 weeks after arriving…….a house on 3 1/2 acres 😳 what was I thinking?!? All scary as hell. Risks that needed to be taken in hopes that I was and am following the right path for myself. Risks that needed to be taken or I wouldn’t be ‘living’, instead I’d be stagnant, I’d be stuck…I’d be a living ‘dead’ Linda….and that wouldn’t fly with My Jim.

Another risk……those that have been following my Blog for a while know that this is my second go round digging in the Sandbox. My first dig helped me deal with a very ugly childhood/past. You would also know I have not spoken to my immediate family in almost 15 years…which was for my own well being and self preservation.

My youngest sister has reached out to me a few times over the years via FB messenger which I always declined, that sick feeling in my stomach being my warning sign. Imagine my surprise then, when she once again reached out the week after New Years, and not only did I NOT experience that sick feeling, I sorta smiled. Right then my thoughts were, more shifting is happening in my life. I responded, she sent me her number and we talked for 4 hours that first day….we’ve spoken almost daily since then…..reconnecting, filling in some blanks for each other And finding out we are more alike then we could have known……….

I am, at this moment, visiting our little island Of Chincoteague….I needed the beach, the salt air and the special closeness to Jim I can only get from Soul Strolling ‘our beach’. My sister will be making a trip down here next week so we can continue our reunion and healing, while I share with her the beach and sea that has helped heal me over and over again. It is with Grateful and Humbled Hearts we both take this risk of our sister reunion.

Forest Bathing

As a Tree Lover this post just screamed to me to be shared 💚💚💚🌳🌳🌳

soulgifts - Telling Tales

A magnificent, ancient tree in the Adelaide Hills

This beautiful old tree graced the yard of a B&B  we stayed at over a weekend a few years ago. It was lit up at night. Against the stark, star studded night sky it looked magnificent.  Called The Nest, the quaint cottage was secluded. Windows on all sides, even in the bathroom, overlooked the rustic country landscape dotted with splashes of flowers. Wild birds flocked to the garden for breakfast and dinner. It was so serene and peaceful we didn’t want to disturb the sounds of nature – simply immerse ourselves in it with windows open to enjoy the view.

Have you ever heard of forest bathing? I hadn’t until I stumbled across it recently. It immediately piqued my interest. Strolling in the forest, being absorbed in the smells, feel and sounds is something I have always loved. I don’t do it…

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