It’s exercise #20 over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge. An interesting one considering the timing……this is my take on …………..
What door have you closed
in your life, and why?
Will you ever open it again?
Along this road, this journey of life that is explicitly mine, I have had to close some doors. These things needed to be done for my own self-preservation. Whenever I was/am questioned “would you ever attempt opening or walking through one of those doors again”, my answer has always been a very emphatic NEVER!
Then this happened……….
The toxic relationships that I had/have with my siblings ( 2 sisters – 1 brother) and our parents is and still is one of the things that was and is being kept locked away behind closed doors. The relationships were then and still are not healthy. Volatile is a good term to describe what we had/have. There’s plenty of blame to pass around on all accounts, but this isn’t about bashing them or beating myself up, ’cause there are no innocents here. We all have our parts in this that we own. But I eventually found myself to the point that I knew I had to walk away, LOCK the doors and even burning some bridges for my own well-being………This January one of those doors was being pried opened. Pried open by my youngest sister, who was reaching out with an olive branch. It didn’t take long for that particular door, her door, to be opened wide and is now on its way to being dismantled. Our healing and reunion continues……
And then this happened…………
Earlier this week, I decided to peek through the keyhole of another of those closed doors. 2 weeks ago I found out my father’s wife passed away. I won’t spend time here speaking ill of the dead except to say, though we shared some good times, she ultimately played a huge part in ‘playing’ us all against each other and putting a wedge between our father and his children, and he/we allowed it. When I heard about her passing, I was surprised by my reaction considering all that has transpired. I felt really sad. Sad for her daughters, as they lost their mom, and sad for my father, he lost his wife. I felt empathy and compassion. While I was feeling these feelings the voices in my head were arguing with me, reminding me that None of them..I mean NONE of them, reached out to me when my Jim died 84 weeks ago. I argued back, that’s on them, this is me. So, after thinking about it a few days, I decided to stop peering through the keyhole. I decided to turn the key and open the door, just a crack, and after 12 years, I dialed my fathers number (weird I still remembered it!) and called him on Tuesday. I was not a timid little girl peering from behind a door. I was a Linda he wouldn’t recognize, a stronger more confident Linda. Unfortunately he did not answer the phone. I did leave a message, though. I expressed my condolences, left my cell number and said to call if he felt up to it and I ended with a “please take care of yourself dad.” No, he has not returned my call at this writing….but for me, this is huge….NEVER in a million years did I think I would even attempt this. Im closing the door, but have decided not to lock it………….
For now, the other doors remain locked. One cannot open all the doors at once, and I may not be able to open any of the others.
But Sometimes ‘Never’ Happens……….to be continued?!?!?!?
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