NEVER Can Happen……🚪

It’s exercise #20 over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge. An interesting one considering the timing……this is my take on …………..

What door have you closed

in your life, and why?

Will you ever open it again?

*********************************************************************

Along this road, this journey of life that is explicitly mine, I have had to close some doors. These things needed to be done for my own self-preservation. Whenever I was/am questioned “would you ever attempt opening or walking through one of those doors again”, my answer has always been a very emphatic NEVER!

Then this happened……….

The toxic relationships that I had/have with my siblings ( 2 sisters – 1 brother) and our parents is and still is one of the things that was and is being kept locked away behind closed doors. The relationships were then and still are not healthy. Volatile is a good term to describe what we had/have. There’s plenty of blame to pass around on all accounts, but this isn’t about bashing them or beating myself up, ’cause there are no innocents here. We all have our parts in this that we own. But I eventually found myself to the point that I knew I had to walk away, LOCK the doors and even burning some bridges for my own well-being………This January one of those doors was being pried opened. Pried open by my youngest sister, who was reaching out with an olive branch. It didn’t take long for that particular door, her door, to be opened wide and is now on its way to being dismantled. Our healing and reunion continues……

And then this happened…………

Earlier this week, I decided to peek through the keyhole of another of those closed doors. 2 weeks ago I found out my father’s wife passed away. I won’t spend time here speaking ill of the dead except to say, though we shared some good times, she ultimately played a huge part in ‘playing’ us all against each other and putting a wedge between our father and his children, and he/we allowed it. When I heard about her passing, I was surprised by my reaction considering all that has transpired. I felt really sad. Sad for her daughters, as they lost their mom, and sad for my father, he lost his wife. I felt empathy and compassion. While I was feeling these feelings the voices in my head were arguing with me, reminding me that None of them..I mean NONE of them, reached out to me when my Jim died 84 weeks ago. I argued back, that’s on them, this is me. So, after thinking about it a few days, I decided to stop peering through the keyhole. I decided to turn the key and open the door, just a crack, and after 12 years, I dialed my fathers number (weird I still remembered it!) and called him on Tuesday. I was not a timid little girl peering from behind a door. I was a Linda he wouldn’t recognize, a stronger more confident Linda. Unfortunately he did not answer the phone. I did leave a message, though. I expressed my condolences, left my cell number and said to call if he felt up to it and I ended with a “please take care of yourself dad.” No, he has not returned my call at this writing….but for me, this is huge….NEVER in a million years did I think I would even attempt this. Im closing the door, but have decided not to lock it………….

For now, the other doors remain locked. One cannot open all the doors at once, and I may not be able to open any of the others.

But Sometimes ‘Never’ Happens……….to be continued?!?!?!?

Picture Credit: Pixabay

Picture Credit: Pinterest

31 thoughts on “NEVER Can Happen……🚪

  1. Pingback: Sandbox Writing Challenge 2018 — Exercise 20 | Impromptu Promptlings

  2. Love the pic of you and your sis! So glad that is going well for you.
    In regards to the other doors- I know I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, and maybe not even 5 minutes ago, and you especially have done so much growing and realigning in the last 84 weeks that you simply cannot be the same person you were prior to Jim passing. I’m an optimist- no clue why, but I am. I am optimistic that maybe some of your family has grown as well in your time of separation.
    I am hoping for the best for you – reaching out like that your Pops healed you…you reached out in empathy because your heart feels what he is feeling right now.
    Keep the locks off, but handy to grab if you should need them again. ❤

  3. I have closed the door on my stepstister. If I open it, she will dump additional responsibilities in her life that she “can’t deal with” on me. I see this as a way to protect myself, though for many years I thought I was just not able to forgive her for things she had done in the past. These things are complex, for sure.

  4. It was huge to call your dad after all this time and very brave and mature, given the circumstances. I myself contacted my dad after 28 years. It took me decades to find the courage. Best hing I ever did! He eventually did get back to me and we had precious three years together before he passed away too early. I don’t want to imagine what it would have been like to learn about his passing without having at least tried. That’s the most important thing, I find, at least try. The rest is beyond your control. I do hope your father gets back to you. It probably will take him a lot of courage too.

    • thank you for sharing your story….Im not holding my breathe. Honestly, I made my peace years ago, accepting I’d never see him again, always assuming he’d pass first. I’m glad I reached out, even if he never responds I feel good knowing I tried.

      • It’s a tough situation to make peace with. I guess I did not want to accept that we might not ever see each other again, although rationally I knew full well I might have to adjust if that was what was to happen. Good for you that you have managed to make your peace with it. And still did your part. Not more one can do.

  5. I think a lot of people will be able to empathise with these experiences. I’ve too closed, but not locked doors. Sometimes I dislike them being open, and sometimes I do want to turn the key. I like what ‘my one life. today’ said, about it also taking a lot of courage for your father too. It’s a step into the unknown (like your own), and may bring about significant change and adjustment – always scary. Happy for you finding some peace.

  6. That was all so very interesting, and I am so pleased for you. It takes a long time for some of us to face up to the truth and to shut those doors on all the pain and hurt that has been caused to one, in my case I shut the door far too late, I had to wait for deaths to happen before I could do that. Yet there remains one door I so want to shut, but I can’t because I have to face the hurt/pain every day, if I could finally shut that door I would gain Peace and Freedom.

  7. I so relate to what you’ve been through and think it is wonderful that you have re-united with your sister. My sister chose to estrange herself from our family twenty-five years ago. I found her son, my nephew, through Facebook. He is a wonderful young man and we see each other and are in close touch. My sister has recently “put out some feelers”. I am taking it very slowly, as she needs to gain my trust, but also believe in “Never say never”.

    • My sister had put out feelers in the past, and each time I’d get this pit in my stomach which told me it wasn’t right……this time around there was no pit and it felt right. Listen to your gut…:))))

  8. We never know when something will show us how much we’ve grown. It’s great that you’ve been able to take these steps. Regardless of anything, you’ve shown yourself, and others the evolution taking place. Always, you’re an inspiration! HUGS!!!

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