Saying Goodbye

Those who have been following me for some time know that I haven’t had a relationship with my father (his doing, not mine) since summer of 2006. With his wife’s passing in May of ’18, it was my hope, that we would be able to find our way back to each other. Finding out he had dementia, that was never to be…..and from that news these words came to be………

I said goodbye to you years ago

and I made my peace.

Though I would never understand

or comprehend

A fathers love so incomplete.

I accepted it for what it was

moving forward with my life.

Thoughts of you every now and then

Still and would cut like a knife.

There was Always

Always a hope

Of some sort of reconciliation.

That thought was dashed

in one phone call

It’s message a revelation.

Though physically you are here

you are ‘gone’ from this life

No longer do you remember

You’ve been released of the strife

What you do remember

I will never know

So one more time I’ll say goodbye

and allow my tears to flow.

I’ll cry for unanswered questions

and the dad I needed/wanted you to be

Now lost to dementia

You’re like a lost boat, adrift at sea……

I’ll pray for your comfort

and for you to be set free

To be a better version

Of the man you used to be.

©️lindafedroff_may2018

My dad passed away July 12, one day after his 81st birthday. I shed my tears, and have dealt with the anger I felt at being cut out of his life. At feeling like I wasn’t good enough……I pray that somewhere inside, he knew his children loved him and wanted to be a part of his life. I pray he made his peace with God before he passed. I pray you are at peace. Love you Daddy ❤️

18 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye

  1. So sorry for your loss – twice. It’s hard to understand why people cut off relationships. My son cut off all contact with me almost 20 years ago for reasons I do not know. I’ve never met his wife. I feel sad for him because he’s missing out on a wonderful family and have missed the lovely women his two sisters have grown to be. It is his choice, though, and after many years of crying I have just begun to treat his decision with respect. I feel for you in this complex grief, Linda. Sending hugs to you through the cosmos.

    • I’m sorry you’ve had to share in this kind of ‘loss’ LuAnne. Unfortunately the same can be said with my relationship with my mother. She’s missing out on her grandchildren and 6 great grandchildren. Complex is the right word!!! Have a beautiful week my friend!

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