Creative Therapy 🎨 📝

A few weeks, I came across an ad for a paint class one of the local businesses in town is going to be hosting. Fluid Painting it was called. Intrigued, I headed on over to YouTube to see what I could discover about this medium. I quickly got hooked, and having much of what I needed to dabble on my own, this was my first attempt.

I decided to make another for my daughter for her birthday…and this was the end result for that one ….. I’ve decided to sign up and take the class. I’m finding this a wonderful outlet for my #arttherapy and want to learn all I can ‘live’. Im excited to be stepping out of my comfort zone and learning something new….

In the meantime….I’m also spending more time digging through the gray matter of my mind, putting more thoughts to paper as I ready myself for the writers workshop I’ll be attending in a few weeks………as I was looking through my FB memories this morning, I came across a quote I shared from a book I was reading 5 years ago…..funny that at that time, I was a few weeks shy of starting the first Sandbox Writing Challenge……I’ve come a long way since then…and I most definitely have come to love the wonder of Myself and who I’m growing to be.

#writingheals

Advertisements

A Determined Woman 👊

 

A little break in the humidity had me hurrying up with this weeks dig over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge This weeks prompt is as follows:

img_0086

Do you see something of yourself in this little child? If so, what?

*********************************************************************

Isolation mixed with a Strong Will of Determination.

As my journey continues….even now at 21 months along, I feel both these things. The Isolation one feels when losing a spouse is an inevitable yet uniquely individual one. Whether I’m surrounded by those who care and love me, or just out shopping, walking, whatever/wherever, inevitably, out of the blue, a wave of Isolation can hit. Ironically, I have felt the most isolated and alone when I’m out, among people, not when I am home alone.

 

Case in point. I was invited and attended my first 4th of July gathering. I was excited to go and for the most part enjoyed myself. My daughters friends and families are wonderful people, and I was openly and warmly welcomed. Had a wonderful conversation with one of the guys moms, ate some great food and watched my grandchildren having a ball. A few hours in though, all of a sudden, I looked up, everyone was milling about with their significant others and I was sitting alone. At that moment, a tsunami of loneliness hit me….I quickly said my goodbyes and made a fast exit. I needed to get home to the safety and solitude of my space. Ironically, in the comfort and safety of my home, that isolated feeling of loneliness dissipated.

 

I have felt and lived a good part of this journey feeling a disconnectedness if you will, until I went to my first widows Meetup for coffee. For the first time since Jims death, I felt a sense of belonging . I felt connected and understood……..I felt safe to share all those feelings others could and would sympathize with, but not fully understand. I walked out of that first meet up with a smile, thinking these are ‘my people’. As time continues, I have no doubt that this feeling of isolation will lessen.

 

AND……I Am Determined. I’m Determined to continue to wake every morning with a Grateful heart, acknowledging my blessings for this life I’ve been given. I Am Determined to continue to grow and find my way. I Am Determined to step out of my comfort zones, picking up some of the scattered pieces of my life that are worth salvaging, while stepping around the ones that no longer serve me and Live. I Am Determined to live this life of mine in the richness of each moment. Jims death has and is continually teaching me that…

 

img_0096

 

With Determination and a Strong Will I GROW STRONGER

 

Photo courtesy of A Woman’s Heart and Soul

 

 

Still Shackled

It’s hard to believe that we are 24 weeks into this dig over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge…..This week we are being taking back to the past with the following prompt: WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ONTO FROM THE PAST? **********************************************************************************I have no clue as to what my response was during my first dig in the sandbox…..my immediate response this time was Guilt. Guilt for how I handled things during my first marriage. Realizing and coming to terms with the consequences of my actions, I had to take responsibility and be accountable for my choices. At the time, I wasn’t aware nor did I care about the ripple effect those choices had on my children. When the time came and I was able to make amends, I asked and was given the forgiveness I needed from them. At least on the surface…..The guilt, though, has a habit of resurfacing, especially via my youngest, and for some reason, I always allow it. When she’s in the midst of one of her meltdowns as I call them, she reminds me of how I failed her. I allow her to rip the scabs off those old wounds, so I can hurt, because I know she is hurting. I know she is responsible now for her own happiness, for learning how to deal with her ‘stuff’ just as I have had to and still do, yet the guilt is always there, just below the surface. I try my damnedest to ‘make up’ for the choices I made that so affected her, but no matter what I do or how hard I try, I’m always the one who gets the brunt of her wrath. Will it always be this way? I sure as hell hope not….I know it falls directly on me. I have the power within to make the choice to let it go…yet I continually punish myself and feel it is my cross to bear *sigh* Well, the one positive in all this is I’m very much aware of it 😳 Now I just need to grab the keys and unlock the door to my self imposed prison and set myself free once and for all 🗝[photos via Pixabay]

My Answers Are Within

Another go-round of The Sandbox Writing Challenge is under way. This week’s prompt is…..

What message just for you

is hidden in this ancient writing?

*****************************************************************************

I’ve decided to read my message in the ancient ‘writings’ within the bark of my Old Wise One who watches over me.

What does he have to tell me?!?! A Lot it seems!!

My tree is telling me that though I am finally at a place that I am putting down some roots, I also have wings that need tending to as well.

My roots finally have fertile soil, a place to stretch out and grow deep. They’re giving me a place to rest. A place to Just Be.

All The While…….

My wings want to take me to far away places, physically And metaphorically. Physically, in a ‘perfect world’ I’d visit those place I’ve read about and visit in my dreams. And then I’d return home once more, to rest before the next great adventure. Unfortunately, in my Real World, it’s not really an option, though I am going to work on some sort of travel.

Metaphorically, it’s with my creativity that I want to fly. With my words, my art, music. I want to release it to the universe. I need to set myself free from the constraints of my own making and allow my creativity to flow.

I’m being reminded that every thought, every word, every choice I make is helping me to create the treasure that is my life. He reminds me that my life is an ever- changing journey, that nothing ever really stays the same……

And then He shared this….from some very wise unknown person….

“Life is sublime and devastating, but it doesn’t own you. It cannot break you. We come into and leave this world alone. If you know and accept and love you, that should be a comfort, not a terror. You always have a place in this universe. You always have you.

Life is art. Life is magic.”

And so are you.

Broken But Still Standing Tall 💚🌳

Summer Solstice was in full swing. Hot and steamy here in the south. With blinds drawn and my fan working on over-drive to keep me cool, I was seated at my desk, lost in thought and writing. When all of a sudden I heard something fall…..muffled by the closed windows and whir of the fan, it wasn’t loud at all. I got up to investigate…..imagine my surprise when I found this….

Not what I was expecting……

A huge sadness gripped my heart last night….this tree has been a huge part of my healing for 13 months….seeing him broken breaks my heart….my old one, my healer, my friend.

 

This morning, I was gifted this view …..

“In the blink of an eye, change occurs and wraps you in sadness. But, even within that change and sadness, there is beauty to behold.” ©lindafedroff_june22,2018

 

He stands tall and majestic Still 💚