One needs to open up not
Just their eyes.
But also their hearts to ‘see’..
The signs that are all around us
And the comfort they can bring……
I see with my eyes
A leaf, folded over,
encased in early frost.
My heart ‘sees’ an Angel Wing,
Reminding me your not lost….
My eyes see autumn colored branches
reaching for the morning sunlight,
drying from yesterday’s snow.
My heart ‘sees’ a frosty heart
Amidst the ‘mourning’ glow.
You ever come across a song that just resonates with you?!?! Well that happened a few days ago. I was playing around with the search button trying to find a radio station to listen to. It stopped, and this song came on…OVERCOMER. Turns out the radio station was KLOVE and the singer was MANDISA (of American Idol fame). She actually was a fav of mine back then. Not a listener of gospel music per se, I hadn’t heard much of her over the years……..ANYWAY, This song! It’s in my head….got home and YOUTUBE it! Holy Moly!
Downloaded it to my ITunes….it’s put a skip to my step…literally. Got some looks while dance/walking yesterday from my neighbors..lol
It also got me thinking…a lot. We’re all dealing with ‘stuff’. When I’m in the midst of my pain and darkness, it’s easy to forget that there are others out there struggling right along with me, through their own grief and pain. Whether it’s loss, addiction, sickness….we all have our crosses to bear, our walks to walk, our ‘stuff’ to OVERCOME. I’m not making light of my journey or anyone else’s. More to the point, I’m humbled and inspired by the strength of others who overcame their own obstacles and journeys. (That would be YOU).
Today is day 418 since my life changed and a new journey was laid out before me. In that time, though I’ve privately bottomed out with my grief, I’ve also kept going. And I will continue to do so. And when I hit a snag, I’ll work my way through it, cause I know I’m not alone.
Yes…my life has changed. I see things through a widow’s eyes. I feel things with a widow’s heart. But I was and still am loved. And I have a whole lotta living to do!!
It’s been a while since I’ve sat my rear-end down to even attempt to write. I took a walk with a new friend yesterday. We walked, talked and got to know each other a bit better. I shared some of my story and background with her, including my blog and the finding of my voice, and the loss of it again. Cause that’s what I feel like..I’ve lost it and it’s time to find it again.
I hope our talk helped her as much as it did me. I went to sleep last night, setting the intention in my head to schedule time to ‘write’ or at least think about writing…………I’m ready to jump back in.
So this morning, I awoke, looked outside and was greeted with this….
Mother Nature inspired and provided…..
riding in on the wake
of the cold
of the previous evening.
Sunlight is shrouded.
We are blanketed beneath
and all around,
by the veil of chill and fog.
Oak tree standing tall.
A sentinel keeping watch.
against the misty background.
There is an air of mystery all around.
that is broken only by an unseen scampering
across fallen dead leaves
The occasional caw of a blackbird,
hidden in the mist.
This Thanksgiving, my second without Jim, will be difficult and very different for me, again.
There is no turkey on the Weber….no pipe smoke wafting in through the window. No sunrise mimosas on the beach. No delivering baked goods to the base……..these are my memories of Thanksgiving past. Ones I am Grateful for.
Today, new memories will be made. Today I’m Thankful to spend this Thanksgiving with a crew of amazing young people and their families…..meaning lots of little ones!!! I am Grateful.
I will shed my tears, but they will be shed with a Grateful heart……for I am Blessed with a Love that transcends time and space. Yes I mourn what is lost, but I also celebrate.
I am Thankful. I Am Blessed.
“I continue to open my heart to the world, a heart that though still broken, is coming back together.”
Yesterday, proved to be an overly emotional, tearful day for me…..was it because it was Day 402 since Jim died? Or the fact that today marks one year since my cousin Larry died. Or the fact that in the last 5 weeks dear friends of mine lost a brother…another friend lost not only her mother, but her stepfather a week and a half later, on her mothers birthday. I also lost another cousin and my island home said goodbye this past weekend to the oldest saltwater cowboy……Yeah, death sucks. It’s also reality. Where am I going with this?!? Well, this blog popped up in my FB newsfeed yesterday…..and it’s definitely worth sharing……though I never really thought I was hiding my sadness, I’ve come to realize that in fact, I have and I do, even from myself.
Holiday Survival Guide For Sad People
Bottom line is….as wonderful a time as the Holidays are…for many of us it’s a time of deep deep sadness and despair. I have days that are ok…but the sadness is always there. We all need to remember, contrary to how things may appear on the surface, not everything is as it seems……
Today is an ok day….I’m remembering those we’ve lost while my thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends left behind…..Heaven’s got itself some Amazing Angels ❤