My Journey Continues……

Well, I’m now one week into my second year without Jim.

As I reflect back on my year of firsts journey, I see it as a year of drastic change and a year of survival. It was a year of unexpected loss, extreme grief and pain. It was a year of discovering an inner strength and intuition I could draw on to help guide me along a road I wasn’t prepared for.

It was a year of loss…so much loss. Not only did I lose my husband..but many friendships fell away just as the days did.

I learned, in that first year, how to let go…

Last year’s road was also one of humility, Blessings and Hope. Of Love and Support. From those who knew me(us) and those who didn’t. Earth Angels abound 🙏

It was a year that my love continued to grow for Jim. True love doesn’t die just because the recipient of that love is no longer physically here. Our love transcends time and always will…….

As I enter my year of ‘twos’, I somehow feel a bit lighter.

Free-er even. It’s as if that year of firsts was a chain, and as I lived and grieved through each ‘first’, a link of that chain broke away. I miss my husband. I miss him awful. But I ‘hear’ him telling me, “it’s time Linda, it’s your time. Shine. I’m with you and I always will be.”……

I know it’s time to start living again. Not just exist, but live. The threads that bind us together have not lost their weave……They’ve just loosened a little……enough for me to move forward without holding on to a past that can’t be lived again….

With all that said. The pain is still there. Tears still fall. And ya know what? That’s Okay. “It okay to just be okay” … has become a little mantra of mine.

(The quote [a Danish Proverb] below is one I shared a few years ago. It was in reference to my grandmothers birthday on October 19….she’s been warching over me for a long time now ❤🍁)

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A Year Later….I Remember

Today marks 365 days…one year since he left. As I sit here writing, the Song, “In The Arms Of An Angel” has started playing. I BELIEVE

I awoke this morning, looked at our photo and said “Morning Husband” …. there was no sunrise as the clouds are low this day……so I lit some candles, got my coffee, reflected, remembered and started writing….

It makes no sense

How can it be

One year ago

You left me

A year long journey

Of twists and turns

Battles of emotions

My heart still yearns

For a life that is past

But there’s no going back

My journey is forward

You keep me on track

As I’ve come full circle

This year of firsts

Our Love lives on

My road, I traverse….

Where I end up

Remains to be seen

My story still unwritten

My future unseen…….

©lindafedroff_october2017

Went back through my journal, to read my entry for this time last year. I had taken a Soul stroll on the beach, came home, pulled out my paints and painted a picture of a tree…..I’ve since gifted that particular picture to someone I’ve come to love very much, who has been on the other end of the phone every week since Jim died…(Lady C )

Today, I painted another tree…..in memory of my Jim…..he colored my world and he still does from wherever it is he resides ❤💚💙💓💛

I miss him, every moment of every day….on this day, the last day of ‘firsts’, I will celebrate his life and our love……….

Tomorrow…….a new journey begins.

I Miss Him

It’s been 52 weeks since he left…..

BUT…..

[The body dies…but love… well that lives on and continues to grow]

I’ve Missed Your Face

I’ve Missed Your Smile

I’ve Missed Your Laugh

All this while….

But what I Miss most

Is Who We Used to be..

The we – we were

When it was You and Me.

You’re gone from this world

But you LIVE in my heart

Till we meet again

And are no longer apart.

I love you husband

I always will

Our love hasn’t died

It grows and LIVES still.

©linda fedroff_october13,2017

For Crow’s Sake…..

Sitting all alone

On my back porch one day

You stopped by for a visit

And you didn’t fly away…

You hung around with me that day

Your feathers iridescent in the sun

I pondered your meaning

And what was to become………..

©lindafedroff_october2017

Since I’ve moved here, I’ve been visited, almost daily by a ‘murder’ of crows….but on Friday (which was the 51st week since Jim died) I hade one lone visitor……

I’m not sure if this was a youngster who was visiting. But (s)he made him/her self right at home. Spent the afternoon under my bird feeder, foraging away, and then (s)he snuggled down….I got to thinking that maybe (s)he was hurt.

As twilight was approaching, I started to worry more so as (s)he was showing no signs of leaving….I was sitting on my back steps, sipping my wine, clicking my tongue and ‘talking’ softly to this Crow when out of the brush a Cardinal landed on top of the bird feeder…so now I’m sitting there, with the last of sunlight sinking low, with these beautiful feathered beings gifting me with their presence…..I couldn’t help but smile and Believe these were signs for me on what was day 357 since Jim died.

I did finally get up to approach the Crow. If it was really hurt and couldn’t fly, I couldn’t leave it there knowing there are foxes and cats around that would have gladly made him a meal….he hopped away a bit, seeming to have some struggle trying to get lift off…but Finally was able to take flight and make it to the top of a nearby tree……..as of now, I’ve not had another visit…..but

This was an amazing Spiritual encounter. A gift.

Secrets of Crow Meaning ~

Crow is the keeper of the Sacred Law, the ancient magic and divination.

Crow is appearing for you to beckon you to begin to use your “second sight”… the silent sight, your 6th sense … the gift of clairvoyance in particular, which is the gift to see into the spirit realms.

Nothing escapes the keen sight of the Crow, both in the physical and metaphysical realms.

As the custodian of ancient magical laws and wisdom, when the Crow calls to us we have an instant flash of our authentic self, the Crow sees our soul~self, and her call echoes deep within the body as we try to remember the language that she speaks.

As we enter the new era, The Crow is bringing a message today of  “the passing” of the old, and the birth of something new!  This is a significant totem energy from the crow.

When Crow brings a message from a deceased loved one it is a profound confirmation and symbolism of rebirth for your loved one on the other side. the passing of the old and the awakening of the new.

This Blessing from the Crow comes to all that should choose to accept it.

Cardinal Symbolism. . .  The beautiful red Cardinal bird is symbolic of power, wealth, and enthusiasm. Cardinal has come to you offering you blessings in a sacred song, the song of the Cardinal is. . . feel the flow of nature and the natural rhythms of the planet and your spirit. . . fall into flow with yourself. . .  trust your power, this is your gift from above . . . emanate your true essence. . . this is the core of your power. . . fall in love with your life and naturally your spirit will shine.

HUGS Are A Wonderful Thing

The word Hug is a simple one…

But in all it’s simplicity

It packs a POWERFUL punch…

I know this for the truth that it is, as I’ve been on the receiving end of many of those unexpected, Blessed hugs. Hugs from whom I call my Earth Angels.

Here’s my story: I was in Walmart yesterday, health and beauty department. One of the gals who works there asked me about my tattoos (my ink is a wonderful conversation started 😊). As we spoke, I shared some of my story. I shared that I have an appointment soon, to get my memorial tattoo for my Jim, as I’m coming up on his year Angelversary.

As I teared up, she asked if she could give me a hug, which I graciously accepted…right there in the middle of the aisle, I was gifted with a healing hug from a stranger. She then went on to share some of her story, we hugged again and she said “see, we both were brought together this morning ’cause we both needed hugs…I needed one just as much as you did.” 😊❤🙏

It’s these little acts of kindness, that are far bigger then they really seem, that has helped me through-out this journey of mine the last 51 weeks. Each smile and hug knits another little piece of my brokenness back together. I like to think these simple acts ripple outward, as we go about our day, touching another, whether it be with a smile or a hello……..

There is Powerful ‘medicine’ in a simple Embrace. Whether we are the giver or receiver, we both walk away feeling a little bit mended. ❤🙏

I. Am. Grateful. I. Am. A. Believer.

(Hug photo via google search)