My Morning Musing ☀

Good Morning All……it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything. Life has a way of getting in the way lately. I’m slowly turning this house into a home. I’m actually catching myself, while I’m out and about, thinking I can’t wait to get ‘home’ which I take as a good sign. 🏡

Slowly getting the place furnished as I help my daughter with her ‘stuff’. Last week she had surgery to remover her gallbladder so I was in nana and mommy duty…all this while they are trying to buy their own home 😬 Craziness…..though it’s keeping me busy. 

But, I’m finding myself restless to start picking up my pencil. Pick up my pen. Pick up a paintbrush.   I’m restless to write…restless to paint…….so this is my morning musing….

Wishing y’all a beautiful day…

Tree limbs

Silhouettes 

As the sky begins to lighten

Bird song erupts

Breaking the silence

As it announces 

Mornings arrival

Awakening my senses

As this new day unfurls….

©lindafedroff_june2017



Grief


Photo: via Pinterest


I’ve been traveling this road of grief now for 236 days…it’s seems insane to me that that much time has gone by so quickly. I’m not using the word quickly lightly here…..time did not stand still for me…yes, in those first weeks I felt like I was living outside of my body, watching someone else doing all that needed to be done, like I was in an altered state..I call it my surreal reality………..but the days, weeks and months rolled by and are rolling by in a blink…….
In the meantime, my grief has really taken hold. Maybe because I’m finally ‘home’ and the newness of all this, my new reality, is hitting me. Jim is not coming back. Yes, I carry him in my heart, and yes I feel him and know he’s guiding me……..but when I sit outside, by myself, the enormity of it all does crash down on me……..
I came across this piece yesterday. This poem, written by Jodi Wium, nailed Grief……..
********************************
Loss hits different people differently. In my family, we have lost several people in unexpected and tragic ways. This poem though is about loss and the soul.

What happens in our soul when we experience loss is significant, and our society may not respond how we wish, how we need. This poem is for those of us who have been there. Who have no words to talk about their loss, just a feeling. We eventually become friends with grief. It becomes a companion. A known quality to our life.
This poem is also meant to inspire. We breathe through our tears. It’s not one day at a time, sometimes it is one breath at a time. If you are suffering the darkness of loss, know that there is light too, and that you will love again.

***

When you are friends with grief
You sit still when someone suffers a loss

The memory of your own loss washes over you, and you relive its tidal wave


When you are friends with grief

People who know you remember who you are

They see you, but you are not present

They talk through you, over you, but not to you


But to be friends with grief

Is also very good
You know how dark darkness really is

You know that the light does return

You know that you can cry and scream

And that is your truth


When you are friends with grief

You can ask it questions

How long will I suffer? What is this about? Will I love again? Will I heal?
Grief answers

Like an echo from the mountain top

First though it takes you to the bottom

of the raging river

Without a lifeboat

Where it’s only you and the rushing water

You see light, but you are not sure

If you are going to make it or fall further down the rocky canyon

Yet you feel it’s okay, you are willing to die too

But first you just want an answer
Grief answers

And says, You have made it this far

One more minute —

That’s all you need

One more minute

If you can make it through


You breathe through your tears

Your sadness stabs you and

You stab it back
You decide to fight

You will accept the loss

But you also accept the challenge


You sit down with grief

You explain you need to understand

You want to be friends
Grief accepts


It explains,

You never will be the same

You will be with others

But it will never be the same

You will love

Yet it will never be the same


But you will feel light

And it will warm you

And the You you know

Will also have died

But you will still live
Grief will sit with you

Whether you need its company or not

You are never alone

Because you have known grief

And it has known you.

GRIEF: By Jodi Wium

HOME 🌳


My Life…Lost.

Wandering…Aimlessly.

At least that’s what I thought.

I heard..their calling.

My name. Whispered.

It was The Trees.

They were calling me.

They embraced me.

These Trees.

I’ve arrived……

Home.

©lindafedroff_june2017


 


SunRise….A Tanka ☀

Good Morning….this is my second morning waking up in my new home……I awoke, poured a mimosa and headed out to the yard….rolled a stump to the edge of the wild brush of my property,and sat beneath the ‘arms’ of my tree……


While waiting for the sun….I tried putting my writers cap back on…….


Sunrise paints the sky

A new day is beginning

My life continues

Just as each day dawns anew

My inner light will shine bright

©lindafedroff_may2017



My Wings…

My journey into Widowhood, has found me now, one of many contributing administrators to a FB widows healing group. My role is providing my take on my journey as I navigate, in as positive a way as I can, my life after Jim. I thought I’d share some of my posts here, one never knows who I can reach…….


Good Afternoon Folks! Busy start to the day as we had a ‘date’ at the local bookstore with Peppa Pig. If you have children/ grandchildren I’m sure you know who I’m talking about! As for me…I was ‘designated’ driver for Maddox 😊

Just call me Maddox’s Taxi




My Kristen and Jemma and the very famous Peppa Pig 😊🐷🐷


So as I was contemplating what I wanted to write today, I was watching my daughter and the other young parents with their children, and I was reminded of something I always used to say in regards to my own children….that I wanted them to grow their own wings and learn to fly……………………….I feel as though, at this time in my life, as I’m learning to adjust to my role as Jims widow, that while I thought I had grown my wings, those wings were grown with the help of others….I’ve come to realize My wings still have a lot more growing to do….for the first time in my life my growth is happening solo. As frightening as that was and is, I’m learning how to depend upon myself, because I have no other choice. The Linda I am today, is still a work in progress. I have Faith and I Believe my wings are gonna be Awesome! 

Last night was a big party on White Street here! I choose to celebrate Jim on Friday…these wings of mine are slowly growing


“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I’ve learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can’t be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.”  W~C. JoyBell C.~