You’re so strong…if I had a dollar for every time that word was used to describe me over the last 341 days, I’d be rollin in some dough. There are many meanings to the word…but I chose #10 to share as I feel it probably comes closest to what people probably mean when they say it…..
{#10’s definition: solid or stable; healthy; thriving:}
Being strong wasn’t and still isn’t exactly what I’m striving for. Surviving one day at a time as best as I can was and still is my goal. It is a choice I’ve made every morning since Jim died. Does that make me strong? Stable? Healthy? Or Thriving? I don’t feel any of those things…..but, I don’t consider myself weak in any way…….
with that said……..
I do know, for me, it’s my Faith, my Beliefs, my Hope, that get me out of bed in the morning……….that and the knowing, in my heart, that Jim was the one who died, not me.. He took a part of me with him, but I know he’d want me to live. Not just exist, but to live. I’m trying to do my best with each 24 hours I’m given. I strive to be a good, kind person. I’m striving to somehow, make even the smallest of difference in others lives.
At the end of the day, before turning in with my companion Loneliness, I don’t think to myself, Linda you were so strong today, I’m thinking, I Love and Miss my husband. I’m thinking, Linda, you made it through another day. I’m thinking regardless of the grief and pain, I’m incredibly Blessed in so many ways. I’m thinking, see you in my dreams babe ❤
Does any of that constitute being strong? I dont know…I guess it comes down to not feeling comfortable with that adjective.
