Broken But Still Standing Tall 💚🌳

Summer Solstice was in full swing. Hot and steamy here in the south. With blinds drawn and my fan working on over-drive to keep me cool, I was seated at my desk, lost in thought and writing. When all of a sudden I heard something fall…..muffled by the closed windows and whir of the fan, it wasn’t loud at all. I got up to investigate…..imagine my surprise when I found this….

Not what I was expecting……

A huge sadness gripped my heart last night….this tree has been a huge part of my healing for 13 months….seeing him broken breaks my heart….my old one, my healer, my friend.

 

This morning, I was gifted this view …..

“In the blink of an eye, change occurs and wraps you in sadness. But, even within that change and sadness, there is beauty to behold.” ©lindafedroff_june22,2018

 

He stands tall and majestic Still 💚

 

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Authentically Vulnerable

Another week, another go-round at The Sandbox . This weeks challenge is:

What makes you feel vulnerable?

As always, remember to include the link to this post on YOUR blog post. Or if your response isn’t overly long, feel free to leave it in the comment section below. And please feel free to interpret the prompt however you wish: memoirs, poems, pictures, etc.

If you would like to see the previous prompts, they’re listed in the menu at the top of the blog in The Sandbox Writing Challenge. But please feel free to just jump in wherever we are at the moment! After all, the prompts are really for YOU to get to know YOURSELF. (Posts from past prompts you wish to tackle will always be added to the current week’s challenge page.)

So if you don’t mind BEING vulnerable, what is IT or the THINGS that make you feel vulnerable?

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As I was sitting here at my desk writing this piece, I heard a noise. Something fell.

I looked out my front window, nothing. I then opened the curtains on my back sliders and well….my heart broke….I took this first picture this morning….

And here’s what the noise was 😢 now talk about feeling vulnerable…I was cutting the grass this morning…..thank goodness it didn’t decide to fall while I was under it!!!!

Ok…..so now back to my original post.

While Sharing anything I write Always brings with it a huge sense of vulnerability, it’s the sharing of my grief and pain, and inner darkness that really leaves me feeling open and raw and vulnerable……and yet, by honestly admitting my truths to myself and then sharing them, I set myself free. It’s always been my hope since I first started ‘writing’ my poetry, that my words would touch others in some way……later on, as I began my first expedition digging in the ‘Sandbox’, my hope was, and still is, that by being honest with myself, I could possibly heal that which was broken inside of me, and whilst I was healing and mending via finding my voice through my words..maybe, just maybe, my words could help someone else in some small way.

And if that isn’t enough to have me feeling open and vulnerable, just this morning I was asked to be an administrator/editor for the private FB writers group!!! And my recent poem was shared to the group. I got a belly full of dragonflies, I can tell you!! I’m humbled to be included and I look forward to the workshop. I know I’ll be going in full throttle, ready to open and expose and share what I have inside. What I have, deep inside, mixed in with my vulnerable side, is a survivor and a thriver….mix that trinity with a whole lot of courage and creativity and I just may come up with something good……so let’s bring it on 👊

Our Wedding Anniversary-Thank You For Loving Me ❤

Today I celebrate the memories and anniversaries we shared….

Today I also grieve the anniversaries that were not to be…

Today would have (is) our 14th wedding anniversary. Jim chose the date. Hell, I had come home from work about a month before and just after my divorce was final, and Jim asked if We could get married. He said he did not like introducing me as his ‘girlfriend’ that I was so much more then that. So, June 17th it was. The date is significant as it was his Grandfather Henry’s Birthday. We always celebrated Henry with his favorite 🍻

Happy Anniversary Husband. I Love You Always Thank You for Loving Me. Our life together was a roller coaster ride..a journey of twists and turns…an adventure I’m grateful was ours.

“It’s clear to me now that I have been moving toward you and you toward me for a long time. Though neither of us was aware of the other before we met, there was a kind of mindless certainty bumming blithely along beneath our ignorance that ensured we would come together. Like two solitary birds flying the great prairies by celestial reckoning, all of these years and lifetimes we have been moving toward one another.” ~Robert James Waller, Bridges Of Madison County~

Today My Heart Hurts 💔

Today is 20 months…608 says….since I last saw him

Time has not stopped. The sun still rises, and I greet each new sunrise with a grateful heart. The sun still sets, and with the setting of the sun, I end my day with a grateful heart. My inbetween, well each day is different. More good days, some just ok days. The bad days, still have them….and when I do, I allow myself to feel that grief and pain and sadness………..

Today my heart hurts. I miss him. Always I Miss Him. But, I’m so grateful for these memories and the opportunity to share them..which I will do till I draw my last breath..even though there are those folks out there who think we shouldn’t, as long as I’m breathing I will talk and share my memories of my Jim……

Life is different

Without you here.

Yet,

Although I can’t see you

I feel you are near….

The pain of losing you

Is one I can’t bare.

Yet,

I choose to celebrate us

And the love that we share.

©lindafedroff_november2016

(Thank you FB for the reminders…a morning we spent together (3 years ago today) at ‘our’ beach’ )

What People Think 💭

This weeks Sandbox Writing Challenge is as follows:

The Sandbox Writing Challenge Bonus Question — Friends

This is a bonus Sandbox question that I stumbled on via JMDLEFLORE from Behind the Eyes. He was gracious enough to let me use it as a prompt.

It’s not exactly in the same vein as the prompts in Roberta Allen’s book, but very pertinent none-the-less. And I had never really answered the question for myself. So I present it here now so we ALL might have a chance to think about it. I believe it’s important.

What do you wish others would

take with them after meeting with you……..

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Wow 🤔 I’ve been pondering this on and off since Lady C posted this as our next challenge. Actually it’s a bit confusing to me. Subject wise it’s saying Friends…but friends who really know you, will take away from time spent with you something totally different then someone who is meeting you for the first time………so for arguments sake, I’m answering this from a ‘meeting people in general’ perspective…..

I’d like to think, at this juncture of my life and journey, that others will see me as approachable…..That I am an authentic person in what I say and do, as I strive to be as good and as kind a person as I can be. I hope they see me as someone who is caring and empathetic and by maybe offering my perspective and experiences on some things, I can help them in some small way……

With that all said, I do have my shortcomings….and I also know and realize that some folks who meet me may not ‘get me’ and inevitably, there are, believe it or not, some who will not like me 😱 and want to get as far away as they can from me lol.

I’d like to think that what folks take away with them, whether they like me or not, is that I am an ok, flawed human, a You-nique individual who, while marching to the beat of her own drum, is just trying to spread some of her sparkle and shine, offer a shoulder or ear when needed…share a thought or two…..and maybe, just maybe, leave you with a smile.

But, at the end of the day, so long as I know deep within my heart, I’ve done no harm to anyone and I’ve done the best I could do in any given circumstance, what others think of me, I have no control over…..

Which reminds me of the following……….