Today I Am Grateful..

I am a few days late but decided I needed and wanted to do this again as I wake each morning with a Heart filled with Gratitude.  

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Day 1: I Am Grateful for every moment, every hug, every kiss, every smile and tear that Jim and I shared over our 14+ years together…it was an amazing journey of ups and downs, twists, turns and detours…but together, we lived an amazing life…so I’m Grateful for My Jim…for our time together and the memories I get to hold on to……all the while feeling his Spirit Live on my Heart and Soul ❤️🙏

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Thank You For Loving Me 

#grateful #thankful #blessed

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The River by Josh Groban And A Haiku

I woke this morning with these words swirling thought my mind….they quickly found their way into a haiku…

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Then, while sipping coffee and perusing FB…this song popped up in my feed…I’d not heard it before…but after listening to it I couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t a coincidence that I wrote what I did and then found this amazing song……..

 

Some days I can’t say why I’m feeling lonely
And some days I am too proud to ask for help
And I stumble through the noise trying to find some peace
A stranger in the crowd, I lose myself

So I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river

This raging world can get so overwhelming
Looking for a meaning when it won’t make sense
In my head it’s getting loud like I can’t outrun this cloud
No matter where I go well there I am

So I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river

Let the calm pull me under
Far beyond the thunder
And tell me it will all be okay
Let the waves take all my worries
Conquer them with fury
Give me shelter, be my escape

I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river, to the river
To the river
I walk down, oh oh oh oh
To the river, oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Read more: Josh Groban – River Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

Dragonfly by Fleetwood Mac

Stumbled upon this this by accident….

 

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And when the roses are half-bud soft flowers
And lovely as the king of flies has come
It was a fleeting visit, all too brief
In three short minutes, he had been and gone

He rested there upon an apple leaf
A gorgeous opal crown sat on his head
Although the garden is a lovely place
Was it worthy of so fine a guest

Oh
Oh
Oh
Oh

 

My Widowed Truths

Here we are, Exercise 19 of The Sandbox Writing Challenge. This week we had 2 prompts to choose from….

Shhhh! It’s a secret.

Last week’s Sandbox Writing Challenge was really an interesting one. It’s kind of eye opening to see what other people think and feel about themselves.

THIS week’s challenge is a little . . . hm . . . secretive? Take the challenge if you dare!

What have you done 

that no one knows about?

OR

Just in case you’re a bit TOO secretive about whatever THAT is, here’s an optional prompt sort of along similar lines…

What are you afraid of

exposing about yourself?

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What have you done 

that no one knows about?

I Have A Secret: I wanted to die.

I know I’ve touched on this before……..7 months after Jims death, I closed on my house (just celebrated that one year anniversary actually). For the first time since his death, I was ALONE. I was physically alone. I was alone with my grief and my pain. I was alone with my thoughts and my memories. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to be without him. I started to think about and contemplated ending my life so I could be rid of the emptiness I was feeling. I just wanted to be with him. So I started to write my goodbye letters to my children. Over the course of the next couple of months, I continued to add to those letters whenever those ‘feelings’ came over me. I never went far enough into my ‘plan’ to actually have a plan, (though making some sort of cocktail did enter my mind) but oh there were moments that I just asked and prayed to be taken………until one day, it occurred to me, that those feelings of ending it stopped ‘appearing’. Somewhere along the way, I had stopped thinking about not wanting to exist and starting existing and slowly living. New Years Eve of this year, I ceremoniously burned those letters and have headed and taken on 2018 with new perspective……..

What are you afraid of

exposing about yourself?

I Have A Secret: I Like Being Alone

Yep…Hows that for exposing ones self?! Today Jim has been gone 83 weeks. I’ve just ‘celebrated’ my first full year of living here in my own home, in my own space. And while I admitted above my anxieties of those first months of being on my own for the very first time in my entire life……..I’m now finding I Like Being Alone. I like living alone. I like my own company. I like that I don’t have to be accountable to anyone but myself. Now don’t get me wrong…I LOVED my life with Jim and if I could have it back I would in a heartbeat. Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way. So, while I see many a widow looking for their chapter 2, at this point in my life, the only relationship I want to have is with myself. I’m sharing a highlighted passage from one of my favorite books ‘beachcombing at miramar’. I always loved this….I always said I was comfortable with my aloneness, but that was so easy to say as I always had Jim. Now I’m living this solitary life. While Jim will Always be a part of me, a part of my heart and soul and spirit, at this juncture of my journey, it’s all about creating a new life for me, solitary when I need and want it to be…..and what lies around the next bend remains to be seen.

And for fun and your listening pleasure…some All American Rejects

My Love

Alrighty….it is now time for Exercise 11 of the Sandbox Writing Challenge. This weeks prompt is as follows:

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL LOVED?

HIM.

“It was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. ~Judy Garland~

“It’s clear to me now that I have been moving toward you and you toward me for a long time. Though neither of us was aware of the other before we met, there was a kind of mindless certainty bumming blithely along beneath our ignorance that ensured we would come together. Like two solitary birds flying the great prairies by celestial reckoning, all of these years and lifetimes we have been moving toward one another.” ~Robert James Waller, Bridges Of Madison County~

It’s been 75 weeks now since Jim gained his wings and left this earth. What I have discovered over the course of my widowed journey is that LOVE GOES ON and IT CONTINUES TO GROW. Our Love didn’t die with Jim. Instead it transcends time and space……..How do I know that, you may ask. How can I not?

I FEEL IT. Just as surely as if he was sitting here next to me. While here with me, he promised to always take care of me. From where he is now, he is keeping his promise to me. With a Grateful and Thankful and humbled Heart I feel and know his love.

It’s that Love that I draw strength and comfort from.

TOGETHER, WE BUILT

A FOUNDATION OF LOVE.

A LOVE STRONG ENOUGH

TO HOLD US TOGETHER

THROUGH ETERNITY

©lindafedroff