New Discoveries…New Truth

I’m a week into my visit here on Chincoteague. This visit is proving to be more then I thought, in ways I’d never imagined. I came here anticipating a homecoming of sorts……what I’m finding is, those words ‘you can’t go home again’, to be #mytruth.

I’m Living my life and seeing this place through just Linda’s eyes now…….and a whole new picture is being painted. Amazingly though, this doesn’t make me sad. I feel as though a hidden veil has been lifted and I’m seeing with more clarity then I have since Jim died. I’m seeing that I have a whole new life ahead of me…and that there is so much more to discover and learn about myself…..that at this time of transition, I Am Growing.

I’ve returned again

To this place we called home.

So many changes.

Unrecognizable.

And the realization, once again

That change is inevitable.

AND

With that realization

A new truth.

My truth.

Is revealed.

I CANNOT GO BACK.

WHAT ENDED HAS ACTUALLY

BECOME A (MY) NEW BEGINNING

A (MY) HOPEFUL NEW NOW……

©lindafedroff_april16,2018

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Circles…No Beginning – No End

This weeks installment of The Sandbox Writing Challenge – Exercise 12, 2018 is as follows:

How does this relate to your life?

Imagine finding this figure drawn in the sand.

Is it a circle?

A zero?

The letter “O”?

Relate this figure to your life.

What does it me to you?

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Of course when I first read this weeks prompt, my mind went immediately to singing CIRCLES IN THE SAND by Belinda Carlisle. Though it doesn’t necessarily pertain to my post, I’m sharing it anyway, y’all may as well join me in singing it 😊

It’s been almost 11 months now since I purchased my home and property here in North Carolina. This place was, as I was at the time, an empty shell. Like myself having to find a new way to live, it was time to furnish this place with little parts of the me I was becoming in this new role as Widow……………..quite by accident and with no real conscious thought at first, I began choosing things, the common denominator, CIRCLES.

Even in my painting….dots and some semblance of circles make their appearance.

There is no beginning

There is no end

These circles –

Reflections of my

Eternal Love for him.

©lindafedroff2018

“Let’s Run in the circle, opposite to each other. Until we are thrown into the sky by the storm swirling in between us. I’ll hold your hands and I’ll hug you, let me be your wings. Let’s fall on that clouds and let’s dance on the rainbow. Let’s bore a hole in that sky until we fall back to the sea with the rain. And Let’s swim back to the shore, to play the game of circle again.”

Akshay Vasu

Misty Morning….

Yesterday morning, when I opened my blinds, I was gifted this beautiful misty view. I took the photo and the words (Like A Misty Veil) started swirling in my head….so this is what came from that.

There is no running away from the (my) past. No matter where I go, what I do, it follows. It and he, are a part of me.

So…….

Like a misty veil of fog

Dissipating under the suns rays

My mind, my heart, my spirit

Slowly Awakens….

Somehow, along the way, between the dark and the light, I’m finding myself again.

©lindafedroff_february5/6, 2018

Saturday Sound Bites…..The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

Jumping on board with Lady Calen over at Impromptu Promptlings and her Saturday Sound Bites once again. This weeks theme……DREAMS

List five big dreams that haven’t come true yet…

See My Jim Again

Publishing my book

Buying that ranch and 1000 acres somewhere in Wyoming as a safe haven for the wild mustangs

Visit Ireland

Be a National Geographic Photographer

Ranch photo via Pixaby

Ireland Photo via Pixabay

Hitting The Pause Button…or Not

Sandbox Writing Challenge 2018 — Exercise 3

by Calen over at Impromptu Promptlings

(Reblogged from August 25, 2015)

It’s Tuesday again, and time for the next prompt challenge from the Sandbox. Just a reminder to anyone reading this that you can jump in at any time. Do one. Do two. Do all if you want. These prompts are a way to get your mind and heart working on a not-so-superficial level — which is REALLY hard to do with all the background noise in our lives these days.

Plato once scribbled in his written works that “…to talk every day about virtue and the other things about which you hear me talking and examining myself and others is the greatest good to man, and that the unexamined life is not worth living…” I think that’s very important because it’s the only way the injustices of our world can be changed. (‘Course that’s just my opinion…)

So here we are at exercise 3. Have fun!

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The Sandbox Writing

Challenge — Exercise 3

What is it that keeps you from being still?

When I read this…I had to smile. Why? The first thing that popped in my head was that scene in Forrest Gump where he’s running……………and keeps on running….

From the moment my feet hit the ground after returning home from the hospital knowing Jim was gone, I was full-steam ahead. Not only did my feet hit the ground running..I ran a 7 month sprint … almost to the day, non-stop. I decluttered. Shredded old papers. Donated his clothing and most of the household things, not knowing who, what, where when or how. I was channeling my inner-energizer bunny and just kept on going, not taking to much time in between to pause.

I moved, not once, but 3 times in that time period….again, not hitting the pause button.

While living with my children and grandchildren was a blessing, there wasn’t an option to being alone, much less still. Instead, I was thrown head first into being mom and nana. As someone who needs her solitude and quiet time, while the living arrangements didn’t allow for that, looking back, it did keep me pre-occupied. Which in some ways kept my grief at bay.

But, I was able to find quiet moments in nature. I was still being drawn to the movement of water…….(as most of you know, for almost 10 years, we lived by the sea, and it was her movement, her ebb and flow, that I found solace, peace and healing, and stillness?.) This time, it was to the movement of the waterfalls, small rivers, and ponds of Pennsylvania that I was pulled to. And it was in those moments I began to once again heal….

7 months almost to the day that Jim died, I closed on my property and new ‘home’. For the first time since he died, I was ALONE. Still, stillness didn’t and doesn’t necessarily come. I’m drawn out of doors again, this time to the trees….the whispers of the wind..the chorus of the birds…..the flittering of my dragonflies. It is in the movement of nature, of life, that my real healing began and continues….

So, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking….Can anyone really, truly, be still?!? I mean, our breathing is movement. The blood rushing through our veins, our heartbeat, movement. The 1000 thoughts a minute that run through my head, (does that constitute ‘movement’?) Even in my mediation practice, monkey mind sneaks in……

Seems to me, when Jim died, and his Spirit left his body, stillness came, in a physical sense, for him. But for me, is stillness attainable as long as I’m breathing?!?!

Attaining stillness

One cannot help but be moved

By our beating hearts

©lindafedroff_january25,2018

So, at this moment of non-stillness writing, I’m putting the final period at the end of this post, and going out to hug my tree…..to find ‘stillness’ though even a tree has sap flowing through their ‘veins’….again, is anything ever really still?!