3 Years….My Journey Continues 👣

3 Years ago today, my Jim walked out the door, and my life forever changed.

I’ve Missed Your Face

I’ve Missed Your Smile

I’ve Missed Your Laugh

All this while….

But what I Miss most

Is Who We Used to be..

The we – we were

When it was You and Me.

You’re gone from this world

But you LIVE in my heart

Till we meet again

And are no longer apart.

I Love you husband

I always will

Our Love hasn’t died

It grows and LIVES still.

©linda fedroff_october14

I walk the beach in the predawn hours. Sky in monotones of gray, not going to be much of a sunrise this morning. Airs a bit chilly, water cool on my skin as I soul stroll. There’s enough of a breeze for the sea foam to partner and dance with. Aside from the gulls and plovers, I am alone.

I stop and stand at the waters edge, watching as the sky lightens with each passing moment.

Closing my eyes, I can hear the whispers on the wind asking me “what is your story?” All the while the waves lap up and around my feet, anchoring me in that spot, as if waiting and begging for my answer…….and what is my answer on this day, three years since my Jim left this world??

My life continues to move forward,

And I’m continuing to grow.

I’m given a choice to make every single morning,

And what I choose is to get up each and every day,

Thank the Good Lord, and ask for his continued guidance.

I start my day determined to live and find

My purpose, all the while never losing sight of all

The blessings in my life.

I shouted out into the wind, that I Choose Hope.

I came back here to celebrate Jim and his memory.

And I thank God every day for the gift of loving Jim

And he loving me, and for the adventure and life we shared.

Until we meet again husband, I will continue to live my life out loud

And make you proud. This is how I Choose to Live.

[The body dies…but love…that lives on and continues to grow]

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Saying Goodbye

Those who have been following me for some time know that I haven’t had a relationship with my father (his doing, not mine) since summer of 2006. With his wife’s passing in May of ’18, it was my hope, that we would be able to find our way back to each other. Finding out he had dementia, that was never to be…..and from that news these words came to be………

I said goodbye to you years ago

and I made my peace.

Though I would never understand

or comprehend

A fathers love so incomplete.

I accepted it for what it was

moving forward with my life.

Thoughts of you every now and then

Still and would cut like a knife.

There was Always

Always a hope

Of some sort of reconciliation.

That thought was dashed

in one phone call

It’s message a revelation.

Though physically you are here

you are ‘gone’ from this life

No longer do you remember

You’ve been released of the strife

What you do remember

I will never know

So one more time I’ll say goodbye

and allow my tears to flow.

I’ll cry for unanswered questions

and the dad I needed/wanted you to be

Now lost to dementia

You’re like a lost boat, adrift at sea……

I’ll pray for your comfort

and for you to be set free

To be a better version

Of the man you used to be.

©️lindafedroff_may2018

My dad passed away July 12, one day after his 81st birthday. I shed my tears, and have dealt with the anger I felt at being cut out of his life. At feeling like I wasn’t good enough……I pray that somewhere inside, he knew his children loved him and wanted to be a part of his life. I pray he made his peace with God before he passed. I pray you are at peace. Love you Daddy ❤️

Thinking Of Him ❤️

 

32 months ago…..that’s 973.98 days since Jim’s been gone. Some days it feels like yesterday, others a lifetime. My life continues to move forward as I grow, transform and evolve. While I’m not the same person I was, one thing will never change, and that’s my Love for him. 

I. Love. You Husband

Life is different
Without you here.
Yet,
Although I can’t see you
I feel you are near….

The pain of losing you
Is one I can’t bare.
Yet,
I choose to celebrate us
And the love that we share.
©lindafedroff

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Missing Him

Today I’ve reached the two and a half year mark since Jim gained his wings…it still boggles my mind how incredibly fast the time has and does continue to fly by. But, each day brings me one day closer to being reunited with him…in the meantime, the hands of time keep ticking away.

I. Love. You. Husband.

Time,
Is measured in hours, minutes and seconds…
My life,
Is measured by the amount of days
You’ve been gone…
Today.
912 days
Since I last saw your face,
Heard your voice…
Kissed and felt your touch.
I didn’t think I could
Live without you.
What I have discovered is,
I’m not.
Though you’re physically not here,
You reside deep within me,
Deep Deep in my heart.
Always and Forever.
©lindafedroff_april14

 

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❤️