Open Heart…Open Eyes

One needs to open up not

Just their eyes.

But also their hearts to ‘see’..

The signs that are all around us

And the comfort they can bring……

I see with my eyes

A leaf, folded over,

encased in early frost.

My heart ‘sees’ an Angel Wing,

Reminding me your not lost….

My eyes see autumn colored branches

reaching for the morning sunlight,

drying from yesterday’s snow.

My heart ‘sees’ a frosty heart

Amidst the ‘mourning’ glow.

©lindafedroff_december10,2017

Cardinal Meme

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Misty Morning

It’s been a while since I’ve sat my rear-end down to even attempt to write. I took a walk with a new friend yesterday. We walked, talked and got to know each other a bit better. I shared some of my story and background with her, including my blog and the finding of my voice, and the loss of it again. Cause that’s what I feel like..I’ve lost it and it’s time to find it again.

I hope our talk helped her as much as it did me. I went to sleep last night, setting the intention in my head to schedule time to ‘write’ or at least think about writing…………I’m ready to jump back in.

So this morning, I awoke, looked outside and was greeted with this….

Mother Nature inspired and provided…..

Morning arrives,

riding in on the wake

of the cold

of the previous evening.

Sunlight is shrouded.

We are blanketed beneath

and all around,

by the veil of chill and fog.

Oak tree standing tall.

A sentinel keeping watch.

Silhouetted

against the misty background.

There is an air of mystery all around.

A stillness,

that is broken only by an unseen scampering

across fallen dead leaves

And

The occasional caw of a blackbird,

hidden in the mist.

©lindafedroff_december4,2017

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, my second without Jim, will be difficult and very different for me, again.

There is no turkey on the Weber….no pipe smoke wafting in through the window. No sunrise mimosas on the beach. No delivering baked goods to the base……..these are my memories of Thanksgiving past. Ones I am Grateful for.

Today, new memories will be made. Today I’m Thankful to spend this Thanksgiving with a crew of amazing young people and their families…..meaning lots of little ones!!! I am Grateful.

I will shed my tears, but they will be shed with a Grateful heart……for I am Blessed with a Love that transcends time and space. Yes I mourn what is lost, but I also celebrate.

I am Thankful. I Am Blessed.

“I continue to open my heart to the world, a heart that though still broken, is coming back together.”

Sadness Shouldn’t Be Silenced…..

Yesterday, proved to be an overly emotional, tearful day for me…..was it because it was Day 402 since Jim died? Or the fact that today marks one year since my cousin Larry died. Or the fact that in the last 5 weeks dear friends of mine lost a brother…another friend lost not only her mother, but her stepfather a week and a half later, on her mothers birthday. I also lost another cousin and my island home said goodbye this past weekend to the oldest saltwater cowboy……Yeah, death sucks. It’s also reality. Where am I going with this?!? Well, this blog popped up in my FB newsfeed yesterday…..and it’s definitely worth sharing……though I never really thought I was hiding my sadness, I’ve come to realize that in fact, I have and I do, even from myself.

Holiday Survival Guide For Sad People

Bottom line is….as wonderful a time as the Holidays are…for many of us it’s a time of deep deep sadness and despair. I have days that are ok…but the sadness is always there. We all need to remember, contrary to how things may appear on the surface, not everything is as it seems……

Today is an ok day….I’m remembering those we’ve lost while my thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends left behind…..Heaven’s got itself some Amazing Angels ❤

Going Back Is Helping Me Move Forward

I walked away from Chincoteague a little over a year ago. I turned and didn’t look back.

I was headed into a great unknown…..a new journey was before me.

Over that time, I discovered I had more in me then I ever knew. Yes, I am strong. Yes, I am capable.

I’ve grieved. I’ve cried.

I’m surviving…

Though I still grieve and I still cry

I’m beginning to thrive. I am alive.

Going back there, I had no clue what to expect, or how I would

feel, or what I would find.

What I found was closure…closure I didn’t even know I needed

or wanted. Visiting the place where Jim died, I felt him there.

It felt good. It felt right. I felt peace.

By revisiting the place we called home, I found a piece of myself.

A piece I’d left behind. I feel, somehow, that by rediscovering that

missing piece, I’m a bit more whole then I was…….I rediscovered feelings…feelings

that reminded me that I Am Alive. Not only am I alive, but I want to live and feel

and grow. Pretty amazing stuff…..

Getting Jim’s memorial tattoo….was way cool. In his own handwriting, he’s

Forever memorialized on me as he is in my heart.

Reconnecting with those who helped me through those first weeks also proved

to be a humbling reawakening. Seeing and talking to them, I came to find that they

didn’t necessarily ‘abandoned’ me as I thought. That will not happen again.

So, by way of taking the Long Way Home, I’ve come home to North Carolina with a new view of my life. I know there will be sad days..as Jim’s loss is a part of my life. But, he will live on in my heart and in my memories, and will be with me wherever my journey takes me.