Have A Little Faith 🙏

Prayer vs. Coincidence

Prayer:

noun

1. a devout petition to God or an object ofworship.

2. a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving,adoration, or confession.

Coincidence:

noun

1. a striking occurrence of two or more events at one time apparently by mere chance:

Since Jim died, I’ve drawn strength and comfort from our beliefs and my faith, and I believe, because of both, I’ve been able to navigate this journey of widowhood I’ve found myself on, but, I’ve found myself having a hard time praying. I didn’t know how to pray…..I mean, I talk to Jim and my grandfather all the time…..but I hadn’t talked to God, really talked to him in a long long time, so when it came to praying, I didn’t really know how. Was there a right or wrong way to pray?!? I wasn’t sure. I felt awkward with myself and even with my verbiage, or lack there of. I had this ‘vision’ that I was getting it all wrong. So, I bought a book .. a Celtic prayer book…a weeks worth of morning and evening prayers. I started reading from it daily, and still do. It’s helped..it gave me the jumpstart I needed. As time has gone on, I’ve realized there isn’t any real right or wrong way to pray, and I’m finally overcoming my uncomfortable awkwardness with myself…..and have found my own way to pray. Part of that awkwardness comes from my having no real religion in my life for a long time. I was born into a catholic family but never warmed to it…So I came to consider myself a spiritual person. Honestly I find I’m drawn to different aspects of different religions…so I follow what appeals to me, not attaching myself to any one faith. Bottom line. I believe in my Creator..and I strive to be a good person, a kind and caring person…preferring to leave the bs and the idea of organized religion behind (this is my personal opinion)

I know your wondering where I’m going with this…….This last week my emotions have been all over the place. Jims been gone 14 months already, which BTW, friggin’ blows my mind. I cried. A lot. Many tears were spilt this week. So, while in the midst of my emotional meltdown, I prayed, my way. To my Creator. I questioned my purpose here…I shared how I felt disconnected with life, and questioned where I belong….I asked to die…I guess you can say I was having my own personal pity party and decided I needed to invite Him to the party and share how I was feeling……tears in of themselves have a way of lightening the load of grief I carry, but there is something to be said with talking/praying and putting it out there for ‘them’ to hear.

I eventually pulled on my big girl panties and went to Walmart on Thursday,,cause that’s what one does, or at least I do when I’m having a pity party for myself…I go shopping. I saw register 11 was opened (I’m a numbers gal 11:11), and I got in line. The lady in front of me had a skateboard in her cart, which had no price, no UPC code,,,nothing. So y’all know the drill. The cashier called for help..someone came to take the skateboard and find a price. The lady turned to me to apologize. I smiled and said no problem, stuff happens and I’m not in any rush. She turned away, and then turned back to me and said ” Im sorry to stare, but I’m being pulled to you, to tell you he’s with you, and that you have more work to do here. You belong here, right now. It’s not time for you to leave, not yet.” I stood there, I’m sure a sight, with my mouth wide open and my eyes filling with tears, shaking my head. I walked around my cart and she hugged me. She then held both my hands, squeezed then and said again “you belong here…and they are around you. They all hear you and your not alone.” She then opened her eyes, shyly smiled at me and said again, “I could see ‘it’ all around you and needed to share that with you, I hope you don’t think I’m crazy.” Crazy? Nah, not crazy, not crazy at all…..

I don’t believe in coincidences …instead I chose to believe some things just can’t be explained and quite honestly, I prefer the ‘there’s no explanation’ explanation. Pretty cool stuff….