I’ve chosen to share a poem I wrote 5 months after my husband passed away. I’m grateful to be here almost 6 years later, not so paralyzed by that pain and grief. I’ve still sadness in my heart as I miss him so very much, and grief still visits occasionally, but I’ve learned to not hide the tears when they need to come.
Summer is starting to make its exit for autumn’s arrival. The morning sun has and continues to shift. There is a crispness in the air. The days are brighter and I’m beginning to ‘see’ things with new clarity. The trees are beginning to let go of their slowly decaying leaves. I sit and watch as the leaves, faded green, yellow and brown, twist and fall, and dance gently across the yard on the breeze. Their time is drawing to a close.
Autumn is my favorite season. It’s a wonderful time to witness nature in all its magical, colorful glory. There are lessons to be learned in this new season. The trees are not holding on to those dead leaves that no longer have a purpose, instead they are being dispelled, to fall back to earth and eventually decay back into the soil whence they grew. A good reminder to me that I shouldn’t be holding on to the the dead weight of all that is holding me down. Covid knocked me to my knees. The isolation and loneliness unbearable. Yet, I’ve been pretty good at fooling myself and others that I’ve had a handle on things, that I was ok, until I wasn’t ok.
One cannot flourish in a new season carrying the dead weight of the past. For me, it’s grief, pain and despair. It’s loneliness and hopelessness. It’s bitterness and it’s fear. Throw in guilt and I’ve got myself a pretty heavy chain there. And truth is, I can’t do this alone………..
So, in this new season, I’m working on letting go and really turning to God for His strength and guidance. I’m studying Philippians at the moment, and this verse is one of my go to’s.
Old habits are hard to break. One of those habits is thinking I can handle things on my own. I know I can’t, yet I try anyway. As a new Christian, I tend to get sidetracked by self, forgetting God is right there, just waiting to hear from me. In this new season, I plan on continually praying and asking Him to shine His light on my thoughts, on my life and journey as I work towards letting go of my ‘decaying leaves’ and these weights that bind me.