Christmas Eve…Missing Him…Remembering Us ❤💚

This is my Christmas Eve post to my Widows Group. Thought I’d share it here as well. So many of us are missing loved ones..so many of us dealing with our grief and pain silently. My wish for you, that somewhere amongst the grief and pain you can find some semblance of comfort and peace..be it with family and/or friends..or lost in your loving memories.

Our loved ones will Always be with us…I know this to be true, as I live it everyday….

Good Morning and Merry Christmas Eve ❤💚

This will be my second Christmas without My Jim. Jim and I never treated or followed the ‘rules’ when it came to holidays and gifts. When we got together, Jim asked me how I felt if he took a page from his beloved grandparents ‘book of relationships and life’ and follow their lead. He said they rarely bought each other gifts for the holidays, instead choosing to treat each day of their lives together and love they shared as the gift it was….Jim used to say I don’t need a calendar to tell me when I have to give you a gift or tell you I Love You. So…that’s how we approached things…….I will miss our routine Peppermint Martinis and Polar Express Christmas Eve..I will watch the movie tonight minus the martini….I’ll miss our sunrise mimosas on the beach Christmas morning and our afternoon viewing of my favorite Christmas movie, the Alistair Sims version and classic A Christmas Carol…both of which I will do by myself and my memories. I will be spending time with my daughter and her family today and tomorrow. I will celebrate the real reason for the season and remind myself of how incredibly Blessed I am..for I Am Loved ❤💚

Ok, with that said, I’m sharing a poem I wrote last Christmas Eve, my first without Jim. It’s crazy how fast the time has flown by…but our Love..his Love..continues to grow..it is my precious gift.

As is Your Loves. Those of you who are in the midst of your journeys of firsts…hold tight to your memories and your love…and Know they are with you. This is the season of miracles….Believe ❤💚🙏

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I’m incredibly Blessed……

but the emptiness is real.

I feel his presence, but I miss him so…….

This is ….My first Christmas without you

And though It’s hard to celebrate….

The gift of your love is one I cherish

And one I will hold dear for goodness sake…..

I hear your laughter in my mind

I close my eyes, I imagine your touch

My love for you is forever

The gift of your love…is enough

©lindafedroff_december2016

Tradition: sit with husband in a room lit only by tree lights and remember that our blessings outnumber the lights. Happy Christmas to all. ~Betsy Cañas Garmon~

Loved this quote…I’m a sucker for little white fairy lights and have them up all year round. We loved sitting in our small living room with nothing but the fairy lights lit, sometimes talking, sometimes in that companionable silence that was us.

On This Day…….

On This Day…15 years ago, I went to lunch and spent the day with a really nice guy. 15 years ago, my life was forever changed. 15 years ago, I (re)connected with my other half…..it took us years to find each other, but find each other we did. We made each other whole, again. Though I know and feel he is with me always, we are once again separated by time and space….
What helps me to go on is my belief that we will be reconnected and whole again…….

Today I’ll remember. Today I will cry. Today I will laugh. That’s what my memories do.
I Love You Husband ❤



Silence 

Friday. My nemesis. Friday. The day he left. Today is 29 weeks, 203 days since Jim gained his wings. I’ve been working very hard at learning to celebrate my Friday’s and not dread them. I’d say I’m 70-30 there. 


This morning I came across this ‘quote’….”SILENCE IS PURE. IT DRAWS PEOPLE TOGETHER BECAUSE ONLY THOSE WHO ARE COMFORTABLE WITH EACH OTHER, CAN SIT WITHOUT SPEAKING.”


This made me smile as I remember out first ‘date’. We were two married people who knew each other from working in the same store, acquaintances, nothing more. I left the store and didn’t see Jim for almost 5 months. When we unexpectedly bumped into each other, turns out both our lives had changed. We were both separated. He said let’s go out for a burger and a beer sometime. That wouldn’t happen for another 2 months. When it did, we bought sandwiches and Rolling Rock Beer and went and sat on his friends boat. The conversation flowed easily, as we talked about out lives, our families. It was a beautiful late May Day. The sun was sparkling off the lake. We found ourselves just sitting, quietly, staring at the water as the boat gently rocked. I remember thinking in my head…This is so nice. The silence is comfortable. At some point, I had leaned into him and we just continued to sit in that beautiful quietude. 

2 people came together that day as friends looking for nothing more then conversation…we left that boat connected by something neither of us had ever experienced before. 

We would come to enjoy many many more of those silent comfortable moments………………..I have no doubt y’all know what I’m talking about. Today, I hope you’ll join me in finding and stealing some special quiet time to sit with the memory of your beloved.


I Love You Husband ❤


The picture of us below was taken by a friend last Memorial Day. I remember it well. No conversation…just the water and dragonflies and Jims hand on my arm ❤