I will not attempt to mend my cracks, but instead let them shine as battle wounds. They are my beauty marks of life, and together with my cracks I (we) will take all my (our) learned knowledge and proceed.
For me, accepting ‘what is’ at this moment in my Now, was (is) when my True Growth began. Coming from a place of Gratitude, I am Grateful for how far I have come in my journey, for the Gifts and Blessings in my life, for my Memories. With a Grateful Heart, I continue to grow from a place deep within, where my deeply cultivated roots can continue to flourish and blossom into something more.
Trust had to occur in order for Transformation to happen. While consciously disentangling myself from my pre-conceived ideas of what my life is (was) supposed to look like, I put my Trust and opened my Heart to my Creator, and continue to do so, Trusting Him and my journey.
For me, Acceptance has brought its own form of Contentment. With a Grateful Heart, I will continue to ‘turn over’ tend’ and ‘fertilize’ the Garden of My Soul, with Love in my Heart…………
a new haircut and color thrown in for good measure keeps my transformation fresh 😊 (I’m channeling my inner JOY, from the Pixar movie Inside Out 😆)
Note to self:
Remember that the only one who really cares about how I Am seen and-or viewed as is, Me – Myself and I. And you know what?! I Am Good, and each new day, I get Even ‘Gooder’! 👊😊
My Journey continues and my life continues to evolve as Jim’s 2nd Angelversay grows closer. In the meantime, today marks week 103 since he died…and it finds me back ‘home’ on Chincoteague. I actually arrived on Wednesday…..it was a beautiful day for a ride.
So many external changes here…the house we lived in recently sold….from what I can see internal and external changes are being done. It does my heart good to see the house being taken care of and used once again to make memories….I can sit here next door where I’m staying, look over and smile knowing Jim and I lived an incredibly Blessed life there.
But the biggest changes are the ones within me…………I’m here to reminice and to celebrate my man and our life here….knowing full well that I have a new life and friends back in NC……….but oh how I miss these sunrises ☀️
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.” ~henry david thoreau~
A little break in the humidity had me hurrying up with this weeks dig over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge This weeks prompt is as follows:
Do you see something of yourself in this little child? If so, what?
Isolation mixed with a Strong Will of Determination.
As my journey continues….even now at 21 months along, I feel both these things. The Isolation one feels when losing a spouse is an inevitable yet uniquely individual one. Whether I’m surrounded by those who care and love me, or just out shopping, walking, whatever/wherever, inevitably, out of the blue, a wave of Isolation can hit. Ironically, I have felt the most isolated and alone when I’m out, among people, not when I am home alone.
Case in point. I was invited and attended my first 4th of July gathering. I was excited to go and for the most part enjoyed myself. My daughters friends and families are wonderful people, and I was openly and warmly welcomed. Had a wonderful conversation with one of the guys moms, ate some great food and watched my grandchildren having a ball. A few hours in though, all of a sudden, I looked up, everyone was milling about with their significant others and I was sitting alone. At that moment, a tsunami of loneliness hit me….I quickly said my goodbyes and made a fast exit. I needed to get home to the safety and solitude of my space. Ironically, in the comfort and safety of my home, that isolated feeling of loneliness dissipated.
I have felt and lived a good part of this journey feeling a disconnectedness if you will, until I went to my first widows Meetup for coffee. For the first time since Jims death, I felt a sense of belonging . I felt connected and understood……..I felt safe to share all those feelings others could and would sympathize with, but not fully understand. I walked out of that first meet up with a smile, thinking these are ‘my people’. As time continues, I have no doubt that this feeling of isolation will lessen.
AND……I Am Determined. I’m Determined to continue to wake every morning with a Grateful heart, acknowledging my blessings for this life I’ve been given. I Am Determined to continue to grow and find my way. I Am Determined to step out of my comfort zones, picking up some of the scattered pieces of my life that are worth salvaging, while stepping around the ones that no longer serve me and Live. I Am Determined to live this life of mine in the richness of each moment. Jims death has and is continually teaching me that…
With Determination and a Strong Will I GROW STRONGER
Photo courtesy of A Woman’s Heart and Soul