Happy New Years Eve 2019

The hands of time

Tick tocking the moments away.

Soon,

The final chapter

Of this book will be written,

The last period put in place.

And the book will be closed.

Reflection will follow.

There were stormy seas

That pounded and tried to break me.

There were times of peaceful calm,

When all seemed right.

What I have found

On this journey,

Is that my life

Is/was somewhere in the middle.

The rough seas help make me stronger.

The calm revitalizes.

In the middle, I find a cohesiveness

That makes my life’s journey

Explicitly my own.

The book is closed now.

A new one ready to be written.

While I hold the pencil ( I like to have the ability to erase)

God will guide my hand

and help me turn the page,

Let the journey continue.

©linda_december

Happy New Years Eve Folks!! This gal is under the weather, so I’ll be snuggling in with meds, tissues and Philip 😻

There’s gonna be a whole lot of reflection going on, a decades worth 😳 as I say bye bye 2019 and hello 2020. It boggles my mind to think that 2020 will be the fourth full year that Jim isn’t here. So much change, growth, transformation has occurred in my life. The me-myself and I, I am today, is unrecognizable of who I was at the end of 2016. I know he’s proud if me. I’m proud of me.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17)

My Morning Musings ☀️

Taking the time to sit in quietude helps bring things into perspective and gives me strength. Taking time from the busyness of living, even if it’s ten minutes to listen to the birds and slow lap of rippling waters while the sunlight dances is good for My Soul. ~mE_2019~

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💛

 

Happy New Years Eve..2018

 

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Happy New Years Eve Everyone!! Hard to believe another year has come and gone. I have no complaints with my 2018. For all intent and purposes it was good to me. I will be spending today and tonight, home alone., reflecting, contemplating, and planning…….I have much to be Thankful for…..these beautiful humans, my children and grandchildren ❤️

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this is what it’s all about ❤️

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I miss my Pa bunch ❤️

I’m Thankful for ‘my tribe’….their friendship and understanding has been good Medicine this year.

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Love these ladies ❤️

My Earth Angels…..you know who you are ❤️🙏 Your continued love, encouragement and support during this journey has also been good Medicine…I Love You 🙏❤️

 

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Gotta Luv Art Therapy 

 

New Year = what for me? I have no clue….but I’m open to whatever comes my way…while this has been my second full year of my widow’s journey, it is my Hope and Plan to go into 2019 with both feet on the ground (I need my grounding!) all the while still spreading my wings and riding my Winds Of Change. I do know I want and need to go into this New Year taking the emphasis off of widow and putting it back on Linda the Living. Being a widow is and always will be a part of who I am, but it’s not what defines me………..change also means figuring out the changes I need to make here with my blog. I’ve been floundering with it and it’s purpose……I’m up for the challenge though……….

So Maddox and I wish y’all a very Happy New Year 🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊

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Happy New Year 🎉

Today My Heart Hurts 💔

Today is 20 months…608 says….since I last saw him

Time has not stopped. The sun still rises, and I greet each new sunrise with a grateful heart. The sun still sets, and with the setting of the sun, I end my day with a grateful heart. My inbetween, well each day is different. More good days, some just ok days. The bad days, still have them….and when I do, I allow myself to feel that grief and pain and sadness………..

Today my heart hurts. I miss him. Always I Miss Him. But, I’m so grateful for these memories and the opportunity to share them..which I will do till I draw my last breath..even though there are those folks out there who think we shouldn’t, as long as I’m breathing I will talk and share my memories of my Jim……

Life is different

Without you here.

Yet,

Although I can’t see you

I feel you are near….

The pain of losing you

Is one I can’t bare.

Yet,

I choose to celebrate us

And the love that we share.

©lindafedroff_november2016

(Thank you FB for the reminders…a morning we spent together (3 years ago today) at ‘our’ beach’ )

NEVER Can Happen……🚪

It’s exercise #20 over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge. An interesting one considering the timing……this is my take on …………..

What door have you closed

in your life, and why?

Will you ever open it again?

*********************************************************************

Along this road, this journey of life that is explicitly mine, I have had to close some doors. These things needed to be done for my own self-preservation. Whenever I was/am questioned “would you ever attempt opening or walking through one of those doors again”, my answer has always been a very emphatic NEVER!

Then this happened……….

The toxic relationships that I had/have with my siblings ( 2 sisters – 1 brother) and our parents is and still is one of the things that was and is being kept locked away behind closed doors. The relationships were then and still are not healthy. Volatile is a good term to describe what we had/have. There’s plenty of blame to pass around on all accounts, but this isn’t about bashing them or beating myself up, ’cause there are no innocents here. We all have our parts in this that we own. But I eventually found myself to the point that I knew I had to walk away, LOCK the doors and even burning some bridges for my own well-being………This January one of those doors was being pried opened. Pried open by my youngest sister, who was reaching out with an olive branch. It didn’t take long for that particular door, her door, to be opened wide and is now on its way to being dismantled. Our healing and reunion continues……

And then this happened…………

Earlier this week, I decided to peek through the keyhole of another of those closed doors. 2 weeks ago I found out my father’s wife passed away. I won’t spend time here speaking ill of the dead except to say, though we shared some good times, she ultimately played a huge part in ‘playing’ us all against each other and putting a wedge between our father and his children, and he/we allowed it. When I heard about her passing, I was surprised by my reaction considering all that has transpired. I felt really sad. Sad for her daughters, as they lost their mom, and sad for my father, he lost his wife. I felt empathy and compassion. While I was feeling these feelings the voices in my head were arguing with me, reminding me that None of them..I mean NONE of them, reached out to me when my Jim died 84 weeks ago. I argued back, that’s on them, this is me. So, after thinking about it a few days, I decided to stop peering through the keyhole. I decided to turn the key and open the door, just a crack, and after 12 years, I dialed my fathers number (weird I still remembered it!) and called him on Tuesday. I was not a timid little girl peering from behind a door. I was a Linda he wouldn’t recognize, a stronger more confident Linda. Unfortunately he did not answer the phone. I did leave a message, though. I expressed my condolences, left my cell number and said to call if he felt up to it and I ended with a “please take care of yourself dad.” No, he has not returned my call at this writing….but for me, this is huge….NEVER in a million years did I think I would even attempt this. Im closing the door, but have decided not to lock it………….

For now, the other doors remain locked. One cannot open all the doors at once, and I may not be able to open any of the others.

But Sometimes ‘Never’ Happens……….to be continued?!?!?!?

Picture Credit: Pixabay

Picture Credit: Pinterest