Still Shackled

It’s hard to believe that we are 24 weeks into this dig over at The Sandbox Writing Challenge…..This week we are being taking back to the past with the following prompt: WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ONTO FROM THE PAST? **********************************************************************************I have no clue as to what my response was during my first dig in the sandbox…..my immediate response this time was Guilt. Guilt for how I handled things during my first marriage. Realizing and coming to terms with the consequences of my actions, I had to take responsibility and be accountable for my choices. At the time, I wasn’t aware nor did I care about the ripple effect those choices had on my children. When the time came and I was able to make amends, I asked and was given the forgiveness I needed from them. At least on the surface…..The guilt, though, has a habit of resurfacing, especially via my youngest, and for some reason, I always allow it. When she’s in the midst of one of her meltdowns as I call them, she reminds me of how I failed her. I allow her to rip the scabs off those old wounds, so I can hurt, because I know she is hurting. I know she is responsible now for her own happiness, for learning how to deal with her ‘stuff’ just as I have had to and still do, yet the guilt is always there, just below the surface. I try my damnedest to ‘make up’ for the choices I made that so affected her, but no matter what I do or how hard I try, I’m always the one who gets the brunt of her wrath. Will it always be this way? I sure as hell hope not….I know it falls directly on me. I have the power within to make the choice to let it go…yet I continually punish myself and feel it is my cross to bear *sigh* Well, the one positive in all this is I’m very much aware of it 😳 Now I just need to grab the keys and unlock the door to my self imposed prison and set myself free once and for all 🗝[photos via Pixabay]

My Answers Are Within

Another go-round of The Sandbox Writing Challenge is under way. This week’s prompt is…..

What message just for you

is hidden in this ancient writing?

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I’ve decided to read my message in the ancient ‘writings’ within the bark of my Old Wise One who watches over me.

What does he have to tell me?!?! A Lot it seems!!

My tree is telling me that though I am finally at a place that I am putting down some roots, I also have wings that need tending to as well.

My roots finally have fertile soil, a place to stretch out and grow deep. They’re giving me a place to rest. A place to Just Be.

All The While…….

My wings want to take me to far away places, physically And metaphorically. Physically, in a ‘perfect world’ I’d visit those place I’ve read about and visit in my dreams. And then I’d return home once more, to rest before the next great adventure. Unfortunately, in my Real World, it’s not really an option, though I am going to work on some sort of travel.

Metaphorically, it’s with my creativity that I want to fly. With my words, my art, music. I want to release it to the universe. I need to set myself free from the constraints of my own making and allow my creativity to flow.

I’m being reminded that every thought, every word, every choice I make is helping me to create the treasure that is my life. He reminds me that my life is an ever- changing journey, that nothing ever really stays the same……

And then He shared this….from some very wise unknown person….

“Life is sublime and devastating, but it doesn’t own you. It cannot break you. We come into and leave this world alone. If you know and accept and love you, that should be a comfort, not a terror. You always have a place in this universe. You always have you.

Life is art. Life is magic.”

And so are you.

Authentically Vulnerable

Another week, another go-round at The Sandbox . This weeks challenge is:

What makes you feel vulnerable?

As always, remember to include the link to this post on YOUR blog post. Or if your response isn’t overly long, feel free to leave it in the comment section below. And please feel free to interpret the prompt however you wish: memoirs, poems, pictures, etc.

If you would like to see the previous prompts, they’re listed in the menu at the top of the blog in The Sandbox Writing Challenge. But please feel free to just jump in wherever we are at the moment! After all, the prompts are really for YOU to get to know YOURSELF. (Posts from past prompts you wish to tackle will always be added to the current week’s challenge page.)

So if you don’t mind BEING vulnerable, what is IT or the THINGS that make you feel vulnerable?

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As I was sitting here at my desk writing this piece, I heard a noise. Something fell.

I looked out my front window, nothing. I then opened the curtains on my back sliders and well….my heart broke….I took this first picture this morning….

And here’s what the noise was 😢 now talk about feeling vulnerable…I was cutting the grass this morning…..thank goodness it didn’t decide to fall while I was under it!!!!

Ok…..so now back to my original post.

While Sharing anything I write Always brings with it a huge sense of vulnerability, it’s the sharing of my grief and pain, and inner darkness that really leaves me feeling open and raw and vulnerable……and yet, by honestly admitting my truths to myself and then sharing them, I set myself free. It’s always been my hope since I first started ‘writing’ my poetry, that my words would touch others in some way……later on, as I began my first expedition digging in the ‘Sandbox’, my hope was, and still is, that by being honest with myself, I could possibly heal that which was broken inside of me, and whilst I was healing and mending via finding my voice through my words..maybe, just maybe, my words could help someone else in some small way.

And if that isn’t enough to have me feeling open and vulnerable, just this morning I was asked to be an administrator/editor for the private FB writers group!!! And my recent poem was shared to the group. I got a belly full of dragonflies, I can tell you!! I’m humbled to be included and I look forward to the workshop. I know I’ll be going in full throttle, ready to open and expose and share what I have inside. What I have, deep inside, mixed in with my vulnerable side, is a survivor and a thriver….mix that trinity with a whole lot of courage and creativity and I just may come up with something good……so let’s bring it on 👊

What People Think 💭

This weeks Sandbox Writing Challenge is as follows:

The Sandbox Writing Challenge Bonus Question — Friends

This is a bonus Sandbox question that I stumbled on via JMDLEFLORE from Behind the Eyes. He was gracious enough to let me use it as a prompt.

It’s not exactly in the same vein as the prompts in Roberta Allen’s book, but very pertinent none-the-less. And I had never really answered the question for myself. So I present it here now so we ALL might have a chance to think about it. I believe it’s important.

What do you wish others would

take with them after meeting with you……..

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Wow 🤔 I’ve been pondering this on and off since Lady C posted this as our next challenge. Actually it’s a bit confusing to me. Subject wise it’s saying Friends…but friends who really know you, will take away from time spent with you something totally different then someone who is meeting you for the first time………so for arguments sake, I’m answering this from a ‘meeting people in general’ perspective…..

I’d like to think, at this juncture of my life and journey, that others will see me as approachable…..That I am an authentic person in what I say and do, as I strive to be as good and as kind a person as I can be. I hope they see me as someone who is caring and empathetic and by maybe offering my perspective and experiences on some things, I can help them in some small way……

With that all said, I do have my shortcomings….and I also know and realize that some folks who meet me may not ‘get me’ and inevitably, there are, believe it or not, some who will not like me 😱 and want to get as far away as they can from me lol.

I’d like to think that what folks take away with them, whether they like me or not, is that I am an ok, flawed human, a You-nique individual who, while marching to the beat of her own drum, is just trying to spread some of her sparkle and shine, offer a shoulder or ear when needed…share a thought or two…..and maybe, just maybe, leave you with a smile.

But, at the end of the day, so long as I know deep within my heart, I’ve done no harm to anyone and I’ve done the best I could do in any given circumstance, what others think of me, I have no control over…..

Which reminds me of the following……….

Unfinished Business 📝

Well, here we are….Exercise 21 of The Sandbox Writing Challenge.

This weeks prompt is…………..

What have you left undone?

Dang, what isn’t left undone?!?

Ok…..let me see…there’s that photography coffee table book that I’ve been wanting to do for, hmmmmmmmmm 🤔🤔🤔🤔 must be going on 7 years now. Then there’s my other book, the one that incorporates my words with my photos. See in the beginning, I didn’t think or believe I had anything to say or that I could possibly write, or that anyone would listen or be interested or want to read anything I had to share……….I had and still have a few cheerleaders and believers in my corner. One of those people, who was there ‘in the beginning’ is someone I care for and trust and I aspire to be like. She was a news anchor who is now, not only a published author, she is a life coach. Along with a fellow writer, they are hosting a write/publish/promote weekend in August. I’m interested, there’s no doubt about that. A weekend away and the opportunity to work with these amazing women in a beautiful serene setting would be wonderful. But I’m sitting here second guessing myself and my abilities once again. I guess I’m struggling with my own self-confidence and the fear of failure. The fee isn’t cheap. So I am asking myself-Am I worth the investment?!?

“Your Life Is Happening Right Now: Don’t let procrastination take over your life. Be brave and take risks. Your life is happening right now.” ~Roy T. Bennett~

To Be Continued……….which means I have not made a decision yet 😬