The River by Josh Groban And A Haiku

I woke this morning with these words swirling thought my mind….they quickly found their way into a haiku…

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Then, while sipping coffee and perusing FB…this song popped up in my feed…I’d not heard it before…but after listening to it I couldn’t help but feel it wasn’t a coincidence that I wrote what I did and then found this amazing song……..

 

Some days I can’t say why I’m feeling lonely
And some days I am too proud to ask for help
And I stumble through the noise trying to find some peace
A stranger in the crowd, I lose myself

So I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river

This raging world can get so overwhelming
Looking for a meaning when it won’t make sense
In my head it’s getting loud like I can’t outrun this cloud
No matter where I go well there I am

So I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river

Let the calm pull me under
Far beyond the thunder
And tell me it will all be okay
Let the waves take all my worries
Conquer them with fury
Give me shelter, be my escape

I walk down to the river
Where the troubles, they can’t find me
Let the waters there remind me
The sun will be there when we wake
I walk down to the river
Though I might not understand it
It’s not always as we planned it
But we grow stronger when we break
So I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river
I walk down to the river, to the river
To the river
I walk down, oh oh oh oh
To the river, oh oh
Oh oh oh oh

Read more: Josh Groban – River Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

Authentically Vulnerable

Another week, another go-round at The Sandbox . This weeks challenge is:

What makes you feel vulnerable?

As always, remember to include the link to this post on YOUR blog post. Or if your response isn’t overly long, feel free to leave it in the comment section below. And please feel free to interpret the prompt however you wish: memoirs, poems, pictures, etc.

If you would like to see the previous prompts, they’re listed in the menu at the top of the blog in The Sandbox Writing Challenge. But please feel free to just jump in wherever we are at the moment! After all, the prompts are really for YOU to get to know YOURSELF. (Posts from past prompts you wish to tackle will always be added to the current week’s challenge page.)

So if you don’t mind BEING vulnerable, what is IT or the THINGS that make you feel vulnerable?

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As I was sitting here at my desk writing this piece, I heard a noise. Something fell.

I looked out my front window, nothing. I then opened the curtains on my back sliders and well….my heart broke….I took this first picture this morning….

And here’s what the noise was 😢 now talk about feeling vulnerable…I was cutting the grass this morning…..thank goodness it didn’t decide to fall while I was under it!!!!

Ok…..so now back to my original post.

While Sharing anything I write Always brings with it a huge sense of vulnerability, it’s the sharing of my grief and pain, and inner darkness that really leaves me feeling open and raw and vulnerable……and yet, by honestly admitting my truths to myself and then sharing them, I set myself free. It’s always been my hope since I first started ‘writing’ my poetry, that my words would touch others in some way……later on, as I began my first expedition digging in the ‘Sandbox’, my hope was, and still is, that by being honest with myself, I could possibly heal that which was broken inside of me, and whilst I was healing and mending via finding my voice through my words..maybe, just maybe, my words could help someone else in some small way.

And if that isn’t enough to have me feeling open and vulnerable, just this morning I was asked to be an administrator/editor for the private FB writers group!!! And my recent poem was shared to the group. I got a belly full of dragonflies, I can tell you!! I’m humbled to be included and I look forward to the workshop. I know I’ll be going in full throttle, ready to open and expose and share what I have inside. What I have, deep inside, mixed in with my vulnerable side, is a survivor and a thriver….mix that trinity with a whole lot of courage and creativity and I just may come up with something good……so let’s bring it on 👊

Finding Strength and Living After Loss

My New Years Eve Eve post………

Over in my Widows group, this past week the subject of suicide has been a topic, for obvious reasons. The holidays in general can be a really tough time, add in the lost of a loved one, the feelings of loneliness and isolation….it’s easy to fall into pit of despair and feel as though there is no way out……(I feel I have to add that we are not professionals on suicide here….and that folks reach out to the Suicide Hotline…..1 800 273 8255……))

Just finished writing this…was going to post it tomorrow, but in light of some of the other posts, I decided to post it now.

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With the winding down of 2017, I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come. I survived a full year of ‘firsts’ without Jim. I moved, bought my first car, moved again, bought a home.

I survived heartbreaking pain and grief…pain so deep and raw I didn’t want to live. On those days when ending it all seemed the only way I wanted to go, I wrote…..some of what I wrote was in the form of goodbye letters to my children. After I’d write, I’d tuck the letter away, only to add to it the next time those feelings of ending it over took me. All I could think was, I just want to be back ‘home’ in Jims arms. The last entry was dated late August. As I sat and reread those letters, my heart broke for that woman, whose struggle and pain was so deep she wanted to die. My heart broke for her, for me. Then I thought about how far I’ve come since that last entry………………

Before I begin my journey into 2018, I needed to address some of that pain and grief. Don’t get me wrong, I know the pain of his loss and the grief that has become my companion will always be with me….The fact is, widowhood can and is a lonely time. No matter who we are surrounded by, we are missing our partner. But, Jims love was and still is an incredible gift, a gift that keeps on giving, regardless of where he is. My grief, in its own way, speaks volumes of the love we share. Each tear that falls, is, in its own little way, a tribute to the man I love. My healing is coming at it’s own pace in its own way, my way. I want to start my 2018 ‘book’ with a blank page. So I’m ceremoniously burning those ‘goodbye’ letters. Writing them was purging, rereading them reminded me of how far I’ve actually come, by burning them I’m letting those feelings go..I’m freeing myself to allow myself to move forward and live…………

Another year has come and gone.

The first full one, without you.

So many ups and downs,

at times I didn’t have a clue….

How was I going to make it?

Living this life without you here.

Yet somehow, day by day,

I made it through this year.

A little bit stronger.

A little bit wiser.

I’m moving right along.

Where will this journey take me?

Hopefully, to a place I belong.

So…….

As the minutes tick down

I’ll close my book of old

While anxiously opening a new one,

With stories yet to be told…..

©lindafedroff_december30,2017

What Doesn’t Kill Me Makes Me Stronger?!?!

You’re so strong…if I had a dollar for every time that word was used to describe me over the last 341 days, I’d be rollin in some dough. There are many meanings to the word…but I chose #10 to share as I feel it probably comes closest to what people probably mean when they say it…..

{#10’s definition: solid or stable; healthy; thriving:}

Being strong wasn’t and still isn’t exactly what I’m striving for. Surviving one day at a time as best as I can was and still is my goal. It is a choice I’ve made every morning since Jim died. Does that make me strong? Stable? Healthy? Or Thriving? I don’t feel any of those things…..but, I don’t consider myself weak in any way…….

with that said……..

I do know, for me, it’s my Faith, my Beliefs, my Hope, that get me out of bed in the morning……….that and the knowing, in my heart, that Jim was the one who died, not me.. He took a part of me with him, but I know he’d want me to live. Not just exist, but to live. I’m trying to do my best with each 24 hours I’m given. I strive to be a good, kind person. I’m striving to somehow, make even the smallest of difference in others lives.

At the end of the day, before turning in with my companion Loneliness, I don’t think to myself, Linda you were so strong today, I’m thinking, I Love and Miss my husband. I’m thinking, Linda, you made it through another day. I’m thinking regardless of the grief and pain, I’m incredibly Blessed in so many ways. I’m thinking, see you in my dreams babe

Does any of that constitute being strong? I dont know…I guess it comes down to not feeling comfortable with that adjective.

I Go On…….👣👣👣👣

As we come in to the final weeks of The Sandbox Writing Challenge, this weeks prompt asks us the following question…….

WHAT KEEPS YOU GOING?


The first thing that came to my mind was to make a collage of these faces….my 3 children..who, at a time when all I wanted to do was cease to exist, saved me. They gave me reason to get up in the morning, they gave me reason to NOT go down that path I so wanted to take……..and my 6 grandchildren….Yes, that’s right, 6! My 6th grandchild was born this morning!! These faces, these beautiful human beings give me reason to be………


What else keeps me going……the beauty of a sun rise…knowing I’m on the receiving end of the gift of a new day…everyday.


….and as fellow blogger Opher, over at Opher’s World shared….HOPE. I’m combining 2 blogs here, in response to Calen’s blog post How Do You Define Hope. I’m with you C. I like Tolle…but it’s ok to agree to disagree with some of what he and others say. Like you, I can see both sides of the equation, and like you, I prefer to see HOPE as ” that thing with feathers that perches in the soul” I’m not sure if I would agree with his take on having Hope playing a role in any unhappiness I may have……………..so, while wearing my rose-colored glasses, I have Hope that tomorrow will be better than today…that we as a race will wake up and see our destructive ways. I have Hope that in waking up, this world will be a safer place for my grandchildren……..Hope gives me a reason to be……….Hope Will Be In Front Of Me……