4 years. A Widow.

Despite his physical absence, I love my Jim. He will always live on inside my heart.❤️

First, let me say, I Love October. Autumn is my favorite season. The colors. The smells. The crispness in the air. Pumpkin everything!!!Still warm temperatures. But then you have the other side of October.

It’s the anniversary of Jim’s death, his deathiversary has arrived for the fourth time. There’s no outrunning it. There’s nowhere to hide from it. My favorite season also transports me back to that day four years ago that I learned what it was to grieve, really grieve.

So much has happened in those four years, yet some days it feels like Jim died yesterday. It’s hard to believe that my life could go on without him, but somehow it has. Without him I had no idea how to exist. But bit by bit, I’m coming to a place where I’m realigning and I’m moving forward. I’m throwing away all preconceived ideas of what I thought my life should be looking like four years later.

Instead, I’m trusting that God has each day of my life perfectly planned out for me to the day that I depart from this life.Today, I’m turning my grief to blessings by remembering that God is guiding my steps.

“The heart of a man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 (ESV)

Father, Thank You that there is healing in Your presence. Fill me fresh with Your Spirit and renew my heart and mind in Your truth. I release my sorrow to You, and I ask You to fill every void in my heart with Your peace and love.Thank You for my Jim’s life on this earth and the time I had with him. I know I will see him again in Your timing. I choose to give You honor and praise always. Thank You Father for healing my heart. In Jesus’s name I pray, Amen

Road Trip 🚙

Roadtripped it back ‘home’ to Chincoteague today. The days are ticking down to Jim’s fourth Angelversary, and there’s no place I’d rather be then here, with my memories. Memories can and do fade, but the ones I hold dear to my heart, I don’t ever see them fading. So, it’s a beer on the front porch of my friends island cottage, the sound of the gulls as the rain trickles down. I’m grateful and blessed to be back.

3 hour pit stop..great dismal swamp.
Crossing the Chesapeake
First tunnel
Crossing the causeway to Chincoteague
Front porchin’ it 🍺

40 Day Sugar Fast…Day 16

DAY 16 — Tuesday, January 21, 2020

Amazon Prime. Target. Social Media. Starbucks… What is the Lord teaching you about Himself today?

I’ve been thinking about Amazon Prime myself… how I can place and order and two days later (BAM) it shows up on my front door. BUT WITH JESUS… with Jesus we’re told that He’s already on the front door knocking. He’s already there, eager to be let into the deep empty places.

I want to be filled to overflowing, how about you?

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“A full cart never makes a heart full.”

“run to the Comforter, He will fill you with His comfort.”

My life changed drastically the day my husband died unexpectedly of a heart attack. 3 weeks after his death found me packed up with few belongings and moving in with my son and his family. Things eventually settled down and I was able to find my own place to live…I get by on a fixed income..the thing I discovered was how much stuff I can truly live without……though admittedly, I have used retail therapy to help me get through some of those tough days when grief comes knocking at my door. Instead of letting it in and addressing it and turning to God, I’ve opened up Amazon, or taken a walk through Kohl’s for my sneaker fix. I know I need to turn … no actually I do need to run to God and His Word, and remember I am full, with the Holy Spirit:

But being full of the Holy Spirit, he gazed intently into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God; Acts 7:55

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26

30 Days Of Gratitude…Day 8 🙏

This photo popped up in my FB memories. Though it was taken 5 years ago, I can still remember that afternoon/night vividly. Today marks 161 weeks..that’s 1,127 days since Jim died.

On day 8 I Am Thankful and Grateful for my memories ❤️🙏✝️

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.” ( John 16:22)