My Backyard Meanderings….

It’s been a while since I posted any kind of photography inspired blog. Though I’ve missed it, my heart just hasn’t been quite ‘there’. Last evening, as the sun was setting in the west (which happens to be the way my home faces), I was curled up on my couch, which faces the east…..and was looking out in my backyard and was gifted this amazing view….needless to say, I bundled up (cause yes, ole man winter has us in his clutches once again!) grabbed my phone and captured these few pics……it never ceases to amaze me, how, when I’m feeling sad, nature finds a way to make me feel a whole lot better.

Nature helps heal and it inspired me to finish a little something I had started writing a while ago……my writing hasn’t been coming as easy as it once was, seems I lost my voice a bit along the way of this new journey…maybe, just maybe I’m starting to find it again?!

You don’t want me sad.

Dry those tears you say.

I’m working on it husband,

But the pain won’t go away.

In the meantime I will try.

I promise you this,

To take each moment as it comes,

And enjoy the views like this…….

©lindafedroff

And just for emphasis on the views…here’s a few more 😊

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Revealing Reflection?

The Sandbox Writing Challenge-Exercise 1

You find yourself in a quiet room looking at your reflection in this beautiful old mirror. What do you see? Is there anything in particular you like about yourself? Is there anything you don’t like? Tell us about it.

This is me this morning. Tired and worn. I’ve aged quite a bit in the last 15 months. Sadness in my eyes. No real spark to see. Grief is not pretty. It’s taken it’s toll. This morning, this reflection, I see half the woman I once was. With Jim I felt whole. I see a lonely me.

With that said, it doesn’t necessarily reflect what’s hidden beneath this morning’s facade. There IS a spark lit behind the sadness. Inside I Am A Widow-Warrior. Determination resides in my heart. Some days there is even a real smile to be worn. Some days no tears fall.

What ‘mask’ will I be wearing later on today? Tomorrow? I have no clue……just like day turns to night..like the ebb and flow of the waves, my reflection, along with my emotions, can and does change in an instant.

An afternoon, before the rain comes Soul-Stroll…and a tree-hug helps!

An Open Letter To Those Who Would Diminish My Fire…

This popped up in my DayOne Journal. I posted it 2 years ago today…….2 years ago Stephanie Grays’s words spoke to me…..and they still do. I Am, for all intent and purposes, my own worst critic..always have been. So I’m posting this to my own inner critic and doubter who still lingers within. I’ve made some strides over the years, but I’m now looking at some of these reminders of past posts with ‘new eyes’, new ‘feelings’ and ‘heart’.

an open letter to those who would diminish my fire.

To whomever seeks to diminish my flame — consciously, unconsciously, maliciously, or with the best of intentions (my beautiful shadow-self included),

Thank you for your attention. Thank you for wishing me well and trying to save me or put me on the right path. Thanks also to those with an envious nature and hidden resentment, who choose to shoot invisible beams of meanness my way. Thank you, as this adds fuel to my fire… and by the way, I am just fine.

My way may not look like yours. My way may look like nothing at all. My way may even look as if I am lost or floundering, but I assure you this is not the case.

My life is precious, encompassing the good and the bad. The hard parts are welcome just as much as the fun and easy stuff are. My life is plainly ornate, small in the biggest of ways, and full in its sparsity. My life sparkles from the inside out, and it suits me.

I have days when I feel weak and voiceless… I embrace them, for I know they will come and go. I have days in which I feel on top of the world and that I am the luckiest woman alive — these are a bit easier to embrace, but they will also come and go.

I have finally figured out that all of my life has purpose, and I will no longer try to sit on the things that I feel ashamed of or that feel uncomfortable. I will allow them to teach me something I need to know. I will acknowledge that they are there for a reason.

I will allow it all to unfold in the most sacred of ways at my cold and eager feet.

I have spent years cultivating the flame you seek to cover with your well-meaning dirt. You will fail. I am no longer a woman who can be broken and molded. I am a woman on fire, and I have things to say.

~Stephanie Gray~

Sandbox Writing Challenge … Second Go Round

Lady Calen over at Impromptu Promptlings and I had been discussing how much our lives have changed since we finished the first Sandbox Writing Challenge. The first go round for me was a very positive and healing experience. The digging I did over the course of that year found me uncovering so much about myself. I was able to heal, let go, learn and grow from my ‘dig’. My life changed for the better because of that ‘therapy dig.’

Well, as we all know life comes with no guarantees and can change in the blink of an eye…and mine did just that on October 14, 2016 with the unexpected death of my Jim……his death has sent me on a journey and path I never expected to be on. Because of his death and my life changes, my blogging took a different turn, how could it not?! I want to find my voice again and get my creative juices flowing and see what I have inside of me to share………..So, Today is day 447 since he died, and I’ve decided I want to NOT revisit my original Sandbox, but to start a new dig and uncover the inner workings of who I’m becoming since that day in October………………LET THE DIGGING BEGIN!

So here we go! Here’s a “loosening up” exercise from Roberta Allen’s book The Playful Way To Knowing Yourself just to get your creative juices flowing. How do you see yourself? Has your perspective of yourself changed over the last year? Have you EVER come into a new understanding of yourself? If so, what precipitated it?

Now, make four lists that you feel describe you and some of the preferences in your life:

If you were asked to choose seven words to describe yourself, what would they be?

1: Widow

2: Resilient

3: Dreamer

4: Believer

5: Spiritual

6: Strong

7: Accepting


If you were asked to choose seven objects that have meaning for you, what objects would you choose?

1: Jims Keepsake Urn

2: Jims wedding band

3: A teddy bear made from Jims shirts

4: My grandfathers bible

5: My grandfathers wedding band

6: Photos

7: Dragonfly charms


If you were asked to choose seven colors that have meaning for you, what colors would you choose?

1: Black

2: White

3: Green

4: Yellow

5: Red

6: Purple

7: Browns


If you were asked to choose seven places that have meaning for you, what places would you choose?

1: Under my tree

2: My property

3: My home

4: The beach

5: Sitting at my desk

6: In the woods

7: Sitting on my porch

Bring It On 2018….

Happy New Year WP!!!!

It’s mind boggling to me how the hell I got here?!? Seriously…if you had told me 444 days ago that I’d be ringing in the second New Year without Jim I’d say there would have been no way…….Yet, I Am here. Not only am I here, I’m surviving AND thriving! How freakin’ cool is that?!?!? Awesomely cool if you ask me!!!! I decided last minute that I wouldn’t spend the night at my daughters, opting instead to come home early, pop a bottle of bubbly, watch a favorite movie of ours New Years Eve and ring in the new year in my own space in my own way!! The movie may not have gotten rave reviews, but it fell into Jims category of happy movies and as far as I’m concerned anything with Bon Jovi in it is a score in my book 😊 here’s a little sneaky peak…gotta love it….

So I spent this New Years Eve, in my own space ..alone and ya know what?!? It was really OK. More then ok. No real tears to speak of, no self imposed pity-party. It was an ok evening, spent in quiet company with myself, my memories and a few phone calls and messages………..

Got up this morning…..excited to start this new day and Year……..a new Journal was given to me by one of my Earth Angels and it’s anxiously waiting for me and my pen….

Blank pages

Stare back at me…

But hidden within their fibers,

Is my hidden mystery.

The unknown is before me.

My story I will tell.

It’s all waiting to be written,

My fears I will quell.

As my journey continues,

My truths will be revealed.

And on the pages of this journal,

I’ll write, I’ll share, I’ll heal.

©lindafedroff

In the meantime…I’m looking forward to looking forward…..there are new discoveries to be made and I’m ready for some digging 😉 Hope y’all up for some new adventures ’cause I’d love for you to tag along…………..